MaggieMinardi's profile
AGE:
35
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 18
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 18
After several years of writers block, fear, and excuses, I’m writing again. I had a short story, “Something More”, published in 1997 in a small magazine, Potpourri. It was not my best story, but it is a feat I hope to repeat.
Items
Version 1
13 Reviews
17 Comments
Alzheimer’s begins at the periphery, shading small pieces. We are talking on the phone, my mother and I. I’m drying dishes, the phone between my right shoulder and cheek, a strip of my brown hair caught by the mouthpiece. “Do you remember?” she asks again. “Do you remember that girl? That girl, what is her name? Oh what is her name? You know, that girl.” I push my lips together so that I won’t finish her question for her, so that I won’t answer before she can finish asking. I close my eyes s...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
36 Reviews
8 Comments
Brent and I always get closer when he doesn't have a girlfriend. He tries to nudge his way in when I have a boyfriend; I don't let him. He's persistent, but I can be too. I sit in the brown chair beside the couch if I have someone. If I'm uncomfortable I pace in front of the television, knowing that he's still watching me. He either sits on the couch or at my feet on the worn beige carpeting. The couch reminds me of a big tweed jacket; Brent just doesn't look right on it. But that's where I ...
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Reviews
I enjoyed this. I collected dolls and each one has a special story and a special place. I even have a Mme Alexander Cissy doll, I believe. How that relates to the poem: I am your target audience. I understand why these dolls are symbols of events in your life. Would you be able to - without losing the flow - broaden the poem so that a man could understand the value of your dolls. How are they like his team paraphenalia. If it damages the flow, I wouldn't risk it. Because the flow and phrasing...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I do like this. I was working on several at one time, most of which I've forgotten, but yours is far better than "I thought I'd have more time." (which was the one I remember. It makes you think, which I always find intriguing.
I like it quite a bit. With the tubes and wires mention, I initially went towards end of life, but that has more to do with my own life currently than the poem. My only concern is that a mention of Caesar can be a gray area. Power and success, yes. Betrayal, certainly. This might be deliberately placing that uncharted water ahead of the blank slate of a child, the depth hinted at there. Wow, if you did that deliberately, that's genius, and a little bit dark, too, but very intense. Congratulat...
There's a lot going on here and I would really like to see it expanded. If that's not your vision for this piece, so be it. The first paragraph did not flow as well as the rest of the piece. It seemed like you were trying to throw a bunch of descriptions in to set the scene, but maybe take out some of the bumpy bits. For instance, I've never seen fingerprints on wineglasses unless I'm looking up close as I'm washing them, or if I've just put on LOTS of handlotion. But lipstick, yes. And does ...
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