MacCrasik's profile

which was now populated = "populated" infers permenant residence. How about overrun Continuity issue: I'm bothered that the coroner has to direct them to a new campsite. Chap 8 implied the boys know the area very well - well enough to have their own "secret" campsite. I think they would be aware of their site options. By now = messes with tense. How about "By this time" ? the first article of the missing girl = insert "newspaper" article, otherwise it could be read (which I did at first) as a...

The manipulation is admirably clever. My only "hitch" was with the word *crave*, which makes me think food, as opposed to maybe *yearn*. But that might just be a regional or dialect thing. IMHO, it _is_ publication ready. Submit immediately. To a mag that pays $$. Cheers!

Hi :) first line: either strike "the," or put "of" between piecing and together. Great opener. Hard visual in second sentence. "digging... she dumped..." I keep thinking "which is it?" Pick or rephrase to make the picture clearer? "in route" = "EN route" "just standing there..." made me reread. She's not actually - she's desperately seeking her wallet. Does this sentence have significance to the whole? Is she distracted by the smell and stops looking for a moment or something? It seems overki...

Hey :) mothers face = mother's Can we make the Viet Nam issue part of the dialogue that Grandfather overhears? It might give more impact at the end when he gives up the dog tags. I'd also like some reaction from Grandfather at the breakfast table to show that he cares about Scilla not talking to him. For the first while, I'm not convinced he gives a hoot about the smoking issue. It's been a whole year after all. Is this the first clue he's ever gotten from them? Seems an 8-year-old would at l...