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MD396's profile
AGE:
29
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 04
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 04
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Version 1
31 Reviews
2 Comments
Standing in the middle of a field Circled by trees I am surrounded by A deafening silence. I hold my hands up to my ears In order to block the sound But I fail, The painful silence continues. Standing in the middle of a city street Circled by people I am surrounded by A deafening silence. I hold my heads up to my ears In order to block the sound but I fail, And the merciless silence continues. The only thing that can break this silence Is your voice. It is as though my mind My heart Doesn't ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
30 Reviews
4 Comments
What changes and what stays the same and what people remain rise up and fall back down and see what people remain I wish I knew what to believe and how to face the world I always thought I'd be a force but many times I remorse.
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Until I read the last line I thought this was a poem about an eating disorder. I guess I just dont know what she is 'giving her all' to? Esp. since you say 'you can tell its getting bad" - the disorder, I figured. But after reading the last line. Now I dont know what its about. I love the first two lines, esp. "curtians of hair".
Your rhyming scheme is a bit strange. I see what you are trying to do, but as each verse is a different length, I am not sure it works. It just feels forced and a bit odd. Also, I kind of wish there was more to the last verse. Rather than just stating the obvious, or summarizing the poem, maybe say something meaningful about why that is - why does it become more valuable?
Is it the ciggie that wishes day would break, or is it you? Can it not wait to be smoked? I found that part confusing. Also, it seems as thought the smoking is pain - because of all the coughing. Yet you still look forward to it?
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