Lysander's profile

AGE: 24
LOC: Indianapolis, IN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 21

I’m a new author focusing on the young adult fantasy genre. My biggest influence is likely Tamora Pierce, though I make it a point to read books in all manner of genres and by many different authors.

I don’t consider my work to be publishable, at least not yet, so please don’t hold back on criticisms. I try to comment back on reviews, to fix things based on good advice, and explain my reasoning for not changing things if I feel it works better the way that I currently have it.

Hopefully I’ll be able to improve quite a bit now that I have a decent place to receive feedback from others, but since this site requires me to actually review others’ works as well- Beware. I don’t sugarcoat things, because I don’t like them being sugarcoat…

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Version 1

2 Reviews 0 Comments

Finally one day, roughly a week after Audrey had replaced the bandages with the armbands Thomas offered her (similar to his own, though a light blue instead of green), she sat atop a large stone in the fields- once more watching over the herd. The sun blazed high in the sky, making her uncomfortably hot already and telling her that the afternoon had only just begun. She sat and wondered once more what she could do if a predator actually attacked again. Previously she’d considered asking...

Version 1

1 Review 0 Comments

(Only the odd-numbered chapters in this novel are Audrey's, all others take place somewhere else and have no bearing on her story) Chapter 1: Introduction of Audrey. This chapter mostly tells about her day-to-day life, her tasks as a slave on the estate of Duke Grayson in the kingdom of Taeriel. Through the chapter you're shown her rather depressive state of mind, how she watches over large yak-like creatures called tromms as a shepherd while they graze, her living conditions with her 'g...

Version 1

1 Review 1 Comment

(Only the even numbered chapters in this book deal with Noah and his group, the others deal with another character 'Audrey' in a separate place) Chapter 2: In this chapter Noah and Raena are introduced to the story, riding a carriage in the 'grand tour' that the prince must undertake to get to know the kingdom better first-hand. It is told in Noah's perspective. They are accompanied by three knights, who serve as escorts and to protect them should the need arise. The prince explains that he's...

Version 1

1 Review 0 Comments

Toilet seat up, bought a cat.

Version 4

5 Reviews 7 Comments

Audrey rubbed the calloused lines across her wrists absentmindedly. Usually on the days when she was ordered to shepherd the herds, the long hours of boredom would cause her to start thinking silly things. On those days she might wonder if she would ever be able to go a night without shackles. Out in the open as she was now, unshackled and some distance from the estate guards, she couldn’t see what purpose the restraints served at night if during the day she were allowed such freedoms. ...

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Reviews

by slbynum3

I'm very impressed with this- but I'm afraid it's not going to be the final version. While the story itself is great, I have no real complaints about it, there are a few lines that struck me as 'flowing' strangely, and still a few small grammatical mistakes. I'll list just a few here to give you an idea. To cut down on credits I'll just parenthesis suggestions mid-line. 'in the Unifern (F)orest’s canopy,(dash instead here) therefore he was barely seen (remove passive-voice) in his black cowl ...

by Zeb

Locked

by BluPhoenix28

Your writing style is very expressive, it made this really easy to read and identifying with the characters much more natural. I really liked the way you described things 'organically' rather than the 'objective' distant approach I tend to use (my own expertise is in technical rather than creative writing). I really enjoyed the story itself as well, it moved along well without any really long tangents and the multiple perspectives didn't feel at all strange here (I remember a Tamora Pierce no...

by obamafu

ROFL. I've read a lot of your limericks, and this is now one of my favourites by far. The 'total eclipse' part was the best, a wonderfully witty end to offset an otherwise simplistic piece, well done! I wouldn't worry too much about the cursing, you could give it an 'adult' marker and de-censor it but most people under 18 on this site lie about that fact anyways. I don't think it would lessen the number of times it's seen or anything, do whatever you feel comfortable doing IMO.

by sunsette15

Line 2: 'black an (and) white' Line 3: 'when its (it's) bright' Line 4: 'disapearing (disappearing) into my' The first one can actually be left that way for effect if you wish IMO; it's not technically accurate, but then it doesn't really have to be. I liked this poem, but it might be better to do an in-depth experience of one dream or nightmare, rather than such a huge jumble that seems like random experiences in different dreams. The jump from black-and-white visions, daydreams, and then me...

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