LyriqueTragedy's profile

LyriqueTragedy avatar
AGE: 32
LOC: Pittsburgh, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 29

I’m new to Urbis and having my own fiction reviewed by others critically.  That’s not to say that I don’t look forward to it!  Years in Academia have only strengthened my resolve to cross into the world of fiction writing, and taking that deep breath, here I am!

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Items
Poetry / Thanksgiving
Version 1
4 Reviews   2 Comments
The moon laughs. She knows who you are: Actaeon shredded by your desire to dominate. The sucking in my chest is wet, blood filled, metallic life flooding the void. Wells of emotion run dry, too; empty and black, hollow but for the blood. Candles can’t sate the darkness between us, so we devour the dead-- consume an innocent bystander to our private war. Gutted and stuffed like the straw man You set me up to be. Huddled around the carcass made pretty with rosemary and cloves-- does it help you...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews   0 Comments
I want you to cry, balled up with an ache that thuds, slowly abusing you from the inside. A hollow groan of emptiness that rots in your stomach and soul reminding you of what you gave away, paralysis that catches your memory like a brain freeze, every time the radio clicks on-- your happy beats like a chiffon blanket in the snow. I want you to cry, your salty tears like balm for my wounds. Prescient knowledge that your life's a sieve, that nothing remains. An agonizing want each time you look...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / The Dream of You
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
Veiled illusion, out of reach, touching the darkness with fingers long and smooth. Here then gone, always one comforting, elusive embrace away. Floods of color, curves and faces. Voices linger only half heard. Just as fingers wind around and through you, pale fingers of dawn rip you away.
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Untitled Sonnet
Version 1
2 Reviews   1 Comment
How can I describe the beauty of you When words can’t pass lips spent from your kisses? How can my fist letter that which is true, When my body aches to hold what it misses? Shadows of you plague and comfort at night, Your scent hovers, passes; taunting it flies As swift as it comes. Vacant again, right Back to alone, leaving a wake of sighs. Rare opportunity gives me your voice, Such brightness shadows plain language as bland. In toils of hearts Fate gives little choice, Not whether you fall...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Hang Your Stockings
Version 1
23 Reviews   0 Comments
“She will not junk up my home for the holidays with those atrocious things! She can put them in her own home, but this is our home, Michael. Ours. Not hers. You agreed with me when we went to buy the new decorations, and you promised me that you wouldn’t let her waltz into our home and…” Erica stopped suddenly as the distinct sound of hammering filled the kitchen. She had been putting together a cheese tray with pepperoni and intentionally turned back to the island counter surface to place th...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Short Story / soren
I'm conflicted about this review. I love the immediacy, the need to get away, the initial panic that turns to resolve. But for any kind of action, or thriller, the action never actually comes in this short. Now, if the purpose of writing this was to examine the inner conflict, then you also did a good job. But the lengthy exposition doesn't lend to the urgency of the piece. Perhaps putting it in first person would help? Third person is difficult in scenes like this if you're trying to discuss...
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Tales of the breadman
I think this topic is becoming more and more common in our fast paced lives, and strong smells connect us to memories, feelings, and the past. I like your simplicity here. Nice.
This poem has a common topic and theme, but in order for it to work, you need to approach it in a new, unique way. Your line breaks seem arbitrary and haphazard, and the poem might benefit from putting it in a different form. You have the gift of conveying thoughts, but you need to hone that gift and shape it--cut what is common and dig deeper in your "dreams" to pull out those things you're avoiding.
Having spent two days on the back of a Touring bike, at 12 hours at a time through back roads and mountains--I am so ready to read this book! I like the voice of the main character, and I like the narration. It has a very familiar quality, one that an audience can trust. Best of luck on publication.
I have a horrible feeling that this should be spoken by someone in Wonderland. I'm not sure why, but this poem gives off a dark, ominous vibe--even from the start.
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