Interesting to choose sirus, The Dog Star. If you are using A.I robots no robot or unit would be made without knowing Asimov's laws I'm sure you can find these on the internet somewhere. Also work on the plot line and have an outline of how the planet is run and such, this will help you later on in your story. I found the flow easy to follow and you have covered all the nessesaries. Perhaps a reference to Anubis would fit into this. Just a sugestion.

Interesting. It was gripping and left me wondering until the end. I found no errors in this work although I'm certainly no expert on grammar and such.

This was exerlent work. I loved the setting and everything else about it. I hope the pace keeps up, I enjoyed that as well. I found no errors in reviewing this word.

Okay the only spelling mistake that I could find was Viet Nam which should be Vietnam. I'm not sure if the other spelling mistake was color because that depends on if the previous reviewers we're british or not as we spell color colour. The flow was good and I think the puncuation was correct for the piece although I'm not sure. You brought the aspects of your grandparents personality to life within this short story and I feel that this could be published in a magazine for a true story kind o...

Good work, however a standard paragraph is five lines long and a new discription is also a paragraph as well as a new setting. Too much discription work as well lets see some dialogue. I enjoyed the setting but it went on for a bit. I hope I was of help.

Okay first off you just throw us into your world in this story with no character discription and nothing to show us where they live. These are a little short to be chapters they are more like pages. Your sentence with the word but does not need to be there it's perfectly fine without it. Also rule of writing never start a sentence with and or but. Make the chapters longer by adding more discription. Watch the Scorpian King a few times or Red Sonja for making girls swoon. It needs a lot more w...

Okay. The story just went straignt in there or so it seemed to me. First off you need to introduce the setting of your novel, this part seemed to be in the middle of your adventure. I think it would be a good adventure story for teenagers because of your character's names. I seem to remember the name Shiri from somewhere a long time ago. Keep working at it I did like the young boys name of Shadow it sounds interesting. I would like to see what happens to your characters with the interesting n...

Okay, if it is a poem why is it posted in action and adventure when there is a poetry section? Only a couple of errors watch for capital letters but otherwise good work.

Not sure what your intentions are for this. If it is to keep a writers spirits up so to speak then it's a pretty good piece of writing. If it's for advice there are some spelling errors. For instance you have my work is better then that. The line should read. My work is better than that. Apart from that I found it clear and easy to read and the tone was pleasent.

The first few pages of a story are the most important. They need to contain the setting, and the character introduction. These pages contain both, although a little vague as to what will happen in the next chapter. I have written children's tales before and usually leave the finished page with a cliff hanger. Kids love suspence, as do adults, a kid will get bored if the story isn't entertaining enough with adventure. Your work does need editing, as you say. I enjoyed reading your character in...