Lorinal's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 08
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 08
Hello! I like to write- never realized I have a knack for allusions until I became a debater. News and history have always been of interest to me.
The poem Lae-ti-triumphantes was actually written to create an image- the form is impossible to recreate on Urbis. Simply imagine a diamond on top of a larger body with a smaller body below. “serene…serene” is the diamond, the next section is a larger body, and the last section is the ending area. It makes sense if you look at it the way I wrote it! But right now it has a weird form- ah well.
Thanks for reviewing my work and I enjoy Urbis very much!
I like to write in an archaic form- but I’ll answer any questions if they come up- I also try to write in a format that can be unders…
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Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
The night darkens, clouds moving, fleeing from the sinking sun A night-bloom tentatively begins to open, ready for the fun... Lunar rays, brilliant in their glory, reflect off the rivers, to be done Bundled up, diamonds, reflecting, as one.
Version 5
3 Reviews
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No matter how hard the trial was turned over and over the poor woman churned. She churned all day, and smoked all night yet nothing could delay her fight. She fought with the milk -not yet pasteurized. To make some silk (beautiful butter) according to her eyes. Traditional and vain, her toils no trouble the world delayed her, a bubble was doubled. Nothing to do but to keep the stick going and hope that the air would stop its throwing. The winds did blow, and blow again But she kept churning, ...
Version 2
2 Reviews
0 Comments
A drop, a silver glow, flowing gracelessly away. No one knows the throes that follow from the pain. Albeit there must be a symphony of mercury, of mint and ground gors (for potpourri you see) But not one knowledge exists, of the lasting paravant. Controvert, all of you, controvert I say! Do you know the story, the story of the hay? The hay was dry and scalded, sitting in a barn. The owners were dead, heat stroke: the yarn- The yarn rolled down the grandma's lap, her head lolled right along w...
Version 4
2 Reviews
0 Comments
I tremble, the thimble, it comes undone. What, ask you, may they say is won? The days are long, the nights dreary And my sewing has made me oh so weary. I labour all day, and now struggle all night to start the miniscule, precise little light. It shines softly on me, warm and clear (so near) Yet having it on me brings a vast road of fear. Tumble and rumble, toil no more I care not for tapestries, knights or their gore. The fire is lit, the threads unravel And now I must take flight, to fight-...
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
A drop, a silver glow, flowing gracelessly away. No one knows the throes that follow from the pain. Albeit there must be a symphony of mercury, of mint and ground gorse (for potpourri you see) But not one knowledge exists, of the lasting paravant. Controvert, all of you, controvert away! Do you know the story, the story of the hay? The hay was dry and scalded, sitting in a barn The owners were dead, heat stroke: the yarn The yarn rolled down the grandma's lap, her head lolled along and the c...
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"To save the fly race. If I kill him, the other flies will look on him as a savior. He sacrificed his life for their survival. I’m doing all them a favor." This play is quite fusile. It would be perfect if performed in a series of Theatre of the Absurd plays, with Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett coming to mind specifically. For first time pulbishing, I wish you good luck - this type of play seems hard to publish because it requires two people to entertain an audience for a long period of...
Interesting. I find it a bit enigmatic that you call those "considered" at the top of society "little men" - are you referring to their existential place in reality? Are you referring to their stature? Your personal opinion of their quality as males of the human specimen? Also, all "white collar" workers don't work to get oil, which is nowhere near the current price of gold. I think you might want to specify further, especially if you don't want the "white collar" workers who are ON the side ...
"I cold write in couplets" - Is this supposed to be could write in couplets? Yes. You overuse anaphora. How would giving lower ratings allow someone to get ahead exactly? The "art of literature" is consumed by the hogs...can hogs read? You just called ALL OF HUMANITY hogs. Might want to work on that. "Poets are left to the dogs" - really? I thought poets have been honored through the centuries...The imagery is clear, you have a fantastic poem here...but you are SO PESSIMISTIC...I feel the las...
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