LokiTrister's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: Eunice, NM
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 15
LOC: Eunice, NM
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 15
I like to write, I might not spell right or have the punctuation in the right place, but I like writing… My goal? To write an amazing story that will inspire someone to get up and write themselves.
A dream? To see my work out in the world, I would love to draw my work as well, I believe my Sinfully Yours would make a great Anime, how it plays out in my head is wonderful, but I do not have the abilit to draw, nor do I believe anyone else would agree with me… so until I find someone who agrees with me or I learn to draw… I’ll leave it in its current form.
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Version 1
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Peering at the lane before him, Jin never would have assumed that this part of town had fallen under control of the enemy. "Brother, are you sure we are in the right area? I mean, everything is intact, theres no signs of struggle here." Nodding, Leodi stopped and narrowed his eyes on his youngest brother, a scowl upon his face. "We was sent here to investigate Jin, the church has reason to believe that this section of town is currently one of the new secti...
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Version 1
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Greatness costs many things, including privacy.
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Version 2
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It had been far too long to remember exactly when Loki had left the guild; he had dedicated his life to two things. His daily training, which would be the tool required to extract his revenge, and gathering information on those he suspected of being responsible for the deaths of his parents. A cool breeze gently caressed his cheek as if it were teasing his memory. Just how long had it been since he had left the guild? There was much that had changed, many of the giant trees that once stood ou...
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Version 1
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I stood against the wall, leaning on it for support, my leg numb from the pain and loss of blood. I told myself I could not look back; I had barricaded the doors enough to not let it in... There were voices coming from some direction, but I could not pin point them due to the scraping metal sounds from behind the door. As I hobbled with all the speed I could gather toward the large chamber in front of me a sound from behind me made me stop. I looked over my shoulder to make sure I had not ima...
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Version 3
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“Himura stood to look around, his eyes scanning the muddy terrain, he knew that the enemy, us, was close, but he had no clue as to which direction he would be attacked from. The group of men he had assumed command of had been whittled down. He and four others were all that remained. We had simply confused them, we attacked from what would be considered all directions, and they never found a single one of us. The mud had slowly started towards the trench, the rain driving it on, or so Himura ...
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Overall, I enjoyed your short story, however there was some things that caught my attention that did cause me to lower the rateing of what I think would be a great rateing. Constant use of the same adjectives and verbs is something that, to me, really takes away from the story... for example; As I stepped forward to attack he grabbed a hold of my foot and dragged me down with incredible force. Two sentences later; I got up he got up with me and slammed me up against the concrete wall with inc...
I'm not a great person to reveiw lyrics, but I could see myself haveing a few lines stuck in my head for sure. One note that I would like to say is how it does seem to have a sense of modesty to it :)
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