i think this work “talks” too much and does not “show” the reader enough. the references are vague and very general. i don't have a sense of your specific voice as a writer. right now this is in the "angsty teen poem" category and doesn't stand out very much. if this is meant for a specific person then i’m sure they’ll know what you’re talking about. if this is meant for a general audience then the events and feelings and relationships need to be fleshed out some more for this piece to have s...

i thought this was fantastic and very humorous poem. i loved the title, it was a great set up for the following poem. great use of slang, you really show ho malleable language can be. some parts are a bit awkward, but i don't have any specific notes for change.

well it's a good start. i don't think it's quite finished. the last line is unfinished, i was left thinking "over opinionated 'what?'" also, you have a great start to the imagery in the first three lines. i'd like to see these images unpacked. all of the characters could have their own/line stanza. very sharp, keep writing.

this is a pretty solid poem. i would change some of the last words in the lines to highlight the subject in the line/stanza. ex s2 ... kidney to kidney limply and frantically i rushed to gut you with nervous hands that but that's an issue of personal taste. in s3 l2 i'd take out the "metaphorical" it's an unnecessary distinction, the whole poem is filled with metaphors, why point that out now?

i think the author sacrificed the meaning and flow of the poem so that it rhymes in some places. i think the rhyming in this poem is distracting. the couplets are haphazard, over used. or don't work. most of the rhymes are forced and distracting, along with the repatition of words. the constant reuse of head-bed-said makes the lines redundant and the poem boring. i'm not sure if there was a form used [i thought it might be a vanelle, because of all the repeted words, but it doesn't follow sui...

i think you should keep the form you started in the first six stanzas. the rhymes worked well together and made complete sense. dropping the rhyming in the last 3 stanzas seems like lazy writing. it's also distratcing to the reader because the focus is taken off of the poem. when they rhyming stopping i thought "hey where did the rhyming go" instead of continuing to read the poem.

good use of metaphor. breaking this up into stanzas would help the reader asorb the poem better.

this is a pretty solid piece. i dig that it's a stort of emotional landscape. i love the voice of the narrator, very strong and dramatic. sometimes the descritions are a bit over dramatic "drip with devastation". but mostly the descriptions are sublime "tsunami under quarantine ". the tone of the poem isn't too sad or depressing. the tone is more sentimental and earnest with longing and fond rememberance. it effectively and impactfully communicates the progression of the relationship, its end...

this poem is pretty solid. the more i read it the better it gets. the tone is very light and airy and the mood if very quiet. i think the mood and tone are emphasided by the word choices and imagery. "aimless", "drifting", "breath", smoke" "fingertips not touching" this could be cleaned up a bit: * i found S1L4 confusing. what found them aimless, the date or 2 a.m. and the snow? * how is primal instinct forgotten? instinct isn't lucid thought. were they so bored with eachother that that prima...

to me this read like a diary entry or an open letter and not really a poem. the content and subject is very sentimental. alot of people eat that stuff right up so it should be very publishable.