Little_Girl_Red's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 11
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 11
I’m Cath, a 19 year old student from Cardiff, South Wales, currently studying Music in Bristol, England. I love to play music, I love to create, and I love to write, especially poetry and fiction.
Items
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Swallowing hard, I reached for Jade, grabbing her hand to stop it pulling at her hair, at her dress, darting nervously and terrified around her body. The grass scratched at my feet. The sun flashed in my eyes. “Jade,” I asked her slowly, searching her eyes as I felt the shock searing my body. “Jade, what has happened to you?” She looked up slowly, looked in to my eyes, licking her cracked lips. She seemed to be steadying herself to speak. A tear seeped slowly down her scratched cheek. My mind...
Version 1
9 Reviews
0 Comments
Jade and Ben were curled up in the corner seat in the pub, oblivious to the other people dancing in front of them and the scratchy, frayed material beneath their legs. Jade was watching the copper lights shine in Ben’s hair, and he was talking quietly in her ear. “You see, I really like you, Jade,” he whispered, making shivers run up and down her back as his breath passed over her earlobe. Jade smiled a slow, lazy smile. She had seen the way that Kate was behaving around Ben, and knew that sh...
Version 2
7 Reviews
4 Comments
The sun hurt my eyes as it finally settled over the horizon, the air alive with bird calls. My feet, proud in their new kitten heels, hurt too. We had been walking for about half an hour through winding lanes, and these shoes were new, the leather stiff. My heels felt like I had sat down and purposefully rubbed them over with a cheese grater. My right foot felt faintly sticky, and although I couldn’t see it beneath my jeans, I suspected that it was bleeding red blood all over the beautiful, ...
Version 1
4 Reviews
3 Comments
We walked up the path to the Pub just as it was becoming hazy dusk. We had walked for about half an hour along winding lanes, panicking all the way about how we were going to get back to the caravan that we were sharing on our weekend away in West Wales. It had been a beautiful, hot, lazy day. Kate, Anna, Jade and I had lain on the sandy beach, watching surfers riding waves like green glass, whipped up by the soft wind. I was fascinated by the elegance of the surfers as they danced and swoope...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
He’s wonderful! The best thing to happen In my life. Beautiful, smart, and funny, My world is alive in his face. His smile holds my laughter And his eyes hold my hopes. He is wonderful, And the best part is that he sees Absolutely no fault in me. He thinks that I’m perfect: But unfortunately, a nagging feeling In a secret part of me Tells me that this is not the case. The very definition of ambivalence, I always want what’s bad for me. I feel its dark power Tugging at my soul. He is always he...
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Reviews
I liked this piece, although there are several parts in it that are clumsily written and would hugely benefit from a rewrite. Your style is unique and it helps to make the reader feel like they are seeing into the random images of the narrator's mind. I particularly like the repeat of the words 'we are on a treasure hunt' for some reason. I also liked the fact that you kept several details from the reader, such as the reason that they are at the beach, and that it was the middle of winter. It...
I like this as the opening to a story. It is much to your credit that you have managed to keep it mysterious without sacrificing the reader's understanding of the scene. I really liked the line: 'It wasn’t a compliment. Em awarded few of those'. It's clever and really shows that you have flair as a writer. I also liked the line 'overreaction was the only way to keep up.' Again, this is an original sentence that makes the reader think differently about what Charlotte is saying. There are a few...
I like the mystery created at the beginning, when you're not really sure what the black things are. I like the idea of him "remembering the last world" - that came completely out of the blue and is very intriguing. It's an action packed story and I really like it, but there are lost of grammatical issues here. Here are some of them: Lots of sentence structures in close succession starting with He: for example, "He tried to think", "He took", "He turned". Would flow better if the sentences str...
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