LisaMelony's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 19
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 19
Hi My name is lisa i am currently in the process of completely my first book ‘Me On Growing up’(fiction)about a group girls and how puberty and the growing up experience effected them.it has a comedic feel to it but it deal with some serious life changing issues. I would really love to receive some feedback on it to let me where i going wrong and what i could do to improve on it and also to find out what people like about it.
writing is something i love to do and i just want to find out if my passion lies in the right place.
look forward any comments you may have. thanks for you time
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Chapter Two – Black Hole Era As all or most children I had a pretty average time at school filled with laughter, tears before breakfast and most importantly the ever dreaded word embarrassment which I had my fair share of I can tell you, some of which were caused by Jonnie of course but I am sorry to say that I am not totally blameless in that department either. I used to call it the ‘Black Hole Era’ you know that feeling when you want the ground to swallow you whole or more effectively and n...
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4 Reviews
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Chapter One- Mi Familiar I would like to formally introduce myself as the girl that is unlucky in love. Your probably thinking you’ve heard that all before but when you’ve finish reading this you will realize that your lives are real good, well… compared to mine, anyway. Here my story starts… oh, by the way, in case you didn’t know I’m Casey Adams of the Adams clan. My household contains two brothers, one older and one younger; they go by the names of Jonnie, who is turning 29 next month (he’...
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Version 1
5 Reviews
2 Comments
Chapter One- Mi Familiar I would like to formally introduce myself as the girl that is unlucky in love. You are probably thinking you’ve heard that all before; but when you’ve finished reading this, you will realize that your lives are real good, well… compared to mine, anyway. Here my story starts… Oh, by the way, in case you didn’t know I’m Casey Adams of the Adams clan. My household contains two brothers, one older and one younger; they go by the names of Jonnie, who is turning 29 next mon...
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Version 1
21 Reviews
2 Comments
I remember when my mum got pregnant with Corey I thought to myself I hope it’s a girl, I hope it’s a girl so I can play doll house with her and not have to worry about her wanting to throw worms, insects and other creepy crawly stuff in my hair or pick on me like Jonnie used to do. I mean gosh it must be written in the older sibling’s law book that all older brothers & sisters must torture and humiliate us younger siblings although I can’t comment on the treatment of sisters because as you kn...
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I find the first fews paragraphs amusing as they tell me of a young man's/boys frustation with thought that he is having to wait for sex with the most desirable girl ever in his eyes anyway. He shows great restraint and patience with what seems like a torturous process for him. in the next few paragraphs his true feeling are being revealed to him. he actually really cares for her and genuinely loves being with her. it is quite touching how this storu is unfolding. this was an in eventive way ...
i found your opening paragraphs very gripping and thought provoking, I agree with you statements re god not being male or female but being both otherwise why else we be constantly searching for that closeness of souls. It made me want to read more. The next paragraph's really delth deep into the mind of someone who is amongst other things scared of dying and is trying to rationalise his imminent death being male he attempting to think logical. it is sad to imagine how a terminally ill person ...
i found your take on the different types of complainer quite amusing and informative. i found myself smiling throughout my reading and thinking of people that your analysis could be referring to or if i had met someone like that.
i found this piece a bit hard to read due to the run on sentences. maybe what you should do is break up the sentences a bit. i am not sure if this is the verse or the chorus. but what you should do is everytime you take a break in the rap, go on to the next for the following line then it will be easier to read. these lyrics send a good message letting people know that crime/drug don't pay.
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