LexiLane's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Placerville, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 04
LOC: Placerville, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 04
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Items
Version 1
9 Reviews
9 Comments
The fire burning beneath the ornately carved mantle, unnecessary as it was for our comfort, was nice to look at. The crackling sound, combined with the orange and yellow glow of the licking flames, was comforting - almost hypnotizing. Everett sat lightly in front of the fire, nearly hovering atop the over-sized love seat despite his large frame. "There are many things I know you've had to discover on your own about our kind, Lillian. But there are also many things you should not have to lear...
Version 1
8 Reviews
4 Comments
Everett and Jillian Easton found me shortly after my move to a city called Cloverdale. It was bigger than most of the towns I'd been living in, but with a population under ten thousand not large enough to be a cause for concern. I'd found it best to avoid big cities. With big cities came a high populous of both humans and . . . others. And over the years I'd learned it best to stay away from communities full of my kind. In the past, they had not taken kindly to a vampire that refused to hunt...
Version 1
6 Reviews
4 Comments
The night that I died was depressingly uneventful. If it weren't for the minor fact that I was killed and turned into a vampire that night, August 17th, 1874 would have been a normal, horribly forgettable day. My brother David and I had finished our chores and studies, allowing us what remained of the evening for leisure. We could stay outside only until dark, a long-standing, unexplained demand from our father. As it was our favorite place to go when we were allowed, I followed my brother t...
Version 1
8 Reviews
5 Comments
My first glimpses of Winterhaven were distorted images viewed through the foggy, rain-soaked windows of my car. The sky was a heavy gray and dumped sheets of rain toward the earth. I generally enjoyed such dismal weather, but I despised driving through it. The windshield wipers couldn't move water quickly enough to keep up with the storm, strong winds pushed at my small car, causing me to grip the steering wheel with excessive force, and my tires proved to be in serious need of replacement a...
Version 1
7 Reviews
3 Comments
I hated the world I had created. I had, single handedly, ruined two lives, and made one sweet and innocent, unlucky bystander's life, at the least, more difficult than necessary. But there was no turning back for me now. The damage had been done; the mistakes could not be mended. My only option was to push through the seemingly perpetual misery and guilt, just to find more of the same. I suppose that was the story of my life - ruining all good that came to me, and anything in between. Worse,...
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Reviews
'with her weight equally portion to her size' I think you mean proportioned there, rather than portion. I wouldn't say this could be a children's read-it definitely falls under the YA category. I think you should elaborate quite a bit more on the teacher, why he/she (?) is so attracted to her, besides the physical. Especially when you say she seemed like everyone else...why (besides the mention of her age)? I know you said the piece isn't finished, so I hope you do continue it, because the r...
So if you were going for shock value, good job. ;) The whole eating-the-baby thing was sick, so you did well there - I assume you were going for sick. I didn't really understand the connection between Leather Jacket man and Marcus. I got that they both had a thing for religion and believing the child was some sort of Anti-Christ, but you never actually identify the connection between the two on that subject. It kind of left me a little unsatisfied with it; I think you could have elaborated a ...
As a short story, I did not like it. Only because of the fact that it does not wrap itself up at all. The reader is left not understanding what Seth's real issues were, as well as being clueless to the conclusion of the story. Although the dream does present a conflict, there really isn't a climax within the story to entice the reader. It amused me as a read, and it left me wishing that you;d written more....maybe there is a conclusion to this short story? Or a second part?
-Some punctuation is confusing. And there are quite a few words that are not separated with spaces. Examples: 'The woman sat down at a table covered with dark blue, and purplefabric.' 'Anyone would be a fool to let their guard down around this woman. Hethought.' In the first, you don't need the comma at all. Pausing there is awkward. In the second, I think it would read better replacing the comma with a period. The way it's written now makes it sound like Adam is wrong and that a person could...
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