LexiLane's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: Placerville, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 26
LOC: Placerville, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 26
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Items
Version 2
4 Reviews
0 Comments
The fire burning beneath the ornately carved mantle, unnecessary as it was for our comfort, was nice to look at. The crackling sound, combined with the orange and yellow glow of the licking flames, was comforting – almost hypnotizing. Everett sat lightly in front of the fire, nearly hovering atop the over-sized love seat despite his large frame. ”There are many things I know you’ve had to discover on your own about our kind, Lillian. But there are also many things you should...
Version 2
3 Reviews
3 Comments
“Where are we going?” Giselle was talking more to herself than to me. I smiled at her impatience; she had whined these same words a dozen times along the way. “You’ll see." I spoke quickly, anxiously. My focus was on the road, the familiar path I had avoided for so long. “Soon,” I finished - a response to her boot-clad feet tapping on the floorboards. “Not soon enough.” Giselle grumbled at me, drawing her red lips into a pout....
Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
“Where are we going?” Giselle spoke more to herself than to me. I smiled at her impatience; she had whined those same words a dozen times along the way. “You’ll see.” I spoke anxiously. My focus was on the road, the familiar path I had avoided for so long. “Soon,” I finished - a response to her boot-clad feet tapping a mindless cadence on the floorboards. “Not soon enough.” Giselle grumbled at me, drawing her red lips ...
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
“Where are we going?” Giselle was talking more to herself than to me. I smiled at her impatience; she had whined those same words a dozen times along the way. “You’ll see.” I spoke anxiously. My focus was on the road, the familiar path I had avoided for so long. “Soon,” I finished a response to her boot-clad feet tapping on the floorboards. “Not soon enough.” Giselle grumbled at me, drawing her red lips into a pout. She curled her ...
Version 1
10 Reviews
9 Comments
The fire burning beneath the ornately carved mantle, unnecessary as it was for our comfort, was nice to look at. The crackling sound, combined with the orange and yellow glow of the licking flames, was comforting - almost hypnotizing. Everett sat lightly in front of the fire, nearly hovering atop the over-sized love seat despite his large frame. "There are many things I know you've had to discover on your own about our kind, Lillian. But there are also many things you should not have to lear...
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Reviews
-'I was walking some distance behind a girl today, at least a block, she had a lithe figure, and her hips swayed suggestively at any who cared to look.' You did not specify to correct grammar, but seeing as you are looking for a publishing rank, I assume you would like this published. In that case, I feel you may want grammar considered in reviews... I think you need, preferably, a semi-colon after 'at least a block' - it does not flow well at all as is. I love the description of her walking ...
-I liked the first sentences of this piece. It instantly grabbed me and made me want to read more...The part about touching the clouds was a great visual, by the way. -'I’m not talking about a Peter Pan kind of flight but more of an angel flight combined with a Superman one, from the days he used to fly after Lois.' This sentence, however, read a bit awkward to me. I think I would suggest: 'I'm not talking about a Peter Pan kind of flight, rather an angel flight mixed with a Superman soar, fr...
-'Godfrey (95%) entered his office at Bunion Blasters, the fourth finest cream for purulent foot fungi ...' I think you may want to change your wording after the comma. You say he enters the office of BB - and while I understand what you are saying - it is, I think, written a bit off. I believe that this may be better? . . . 'Godfrey (95%) entered his office at Bunion Blasters, corporation of the fourth finest cream for....' The way it is written I immediately thought, 'well, the office is t...
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