Lena's profile

I enjoyed the story you tell in this poem. Absolutely beautiful love story that encompasses so many phases of a relationship! I especially treasure this line: and her love has sheltered us both. I had a little trouble with the rhythm, it might help to count syllables for each line: (original) When we first met, we were standing stripped of our attire. We were two atypical creatures just standing beneath desire. or example subtle change might help with timing: When we first met, we were standi...

I left the overall first time publishing less than 10 because I found the poem a bit obscure in its meaning. I wasn't sure that if I were more familiar with your work if this would be more clear to me. The line that gave me the most difficulty was: My hands are god’s grace and I retrieve Macbeth It is an overall intriguing poem.

I really liked your poem. Your talent and clarity very good, it is heart warming and overall good poetry. To strengthen it, all I can suggest is watching the length and rhythm of each line with the next. The last paragraph seems abrupt and short after the longer length of the middle paragraph. Keep writing!

Publishable/talent - overall - I like your adjectives. I would like to see some warmth with the setting crimson sun to punctuate the cold. Clarity - I was a bit confused with rapids and swamp and could use a verbal visual map... i.e. along the river bank a recent flood left pools of swamp water, or something to that affect. I had a bit of trouble following from the crossing of the rapids to the swamp water. This phrase needs work "been spotted before he realised he was looking at a smaller fi...