LarryM's profile
AGE:
51
LOC: Knoxville, TN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 14
LOC: Knoxville, TN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 14
My name is Larry and I love to write.
IT is more of a hobby than anything else but I think I would like to get published someday.
I am currently working on three differant stories and would like to get feed back on different parts from time to time.
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The day of the Park Dedication, brought the city alive much sooner than normal. Shouts and laughter could be heard long before the ring turned yellow. Flint woke to the music of a flute playing somewhere close by. He groaned aloud, as he moved to the washstand to splash cold water on his face and back of neck. Last night had been long and tiresome. Sometime today a group of youngster would, on a dare, enter the old mine shaft. They would try to run the length of the shaft and back to prove ho...
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Flint Bracks opened the back door of his shop to sweep the dust out into the alleyway, and took a quick peek at the “Ring of Light” to see how much time remained before he should open. The “Ring of Light” a one-foot thick ring of crystal circling the largest stalagmite column in the center of the city, rose slowly from the floor growing brighter as it ascended getting brightest when it reached the ceiling five-hundred feet up. Growing dimmer as it descended, providing light and time for the c...
Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
Part ONE The steady echo of hammers hitting rock, the creaking of wagon axels under a heavy load along with the shouts and laughter of workers only added to the level of noise, increasing steadily as the city began its workday. The wizard’s light, a one-foot thick circular ring surrounding one of the many natural columns reaching from the floor to the ceiling three hundred feet above the city, was just starting to rise. It’s orange-red glow began to brighten to its eventual yellow-white, spre...
Version 1
2 Reviews
2 Comments
CHAPTER ONE The Village * * * * The first rays of morning lit the small village to find Mogu standing in the ceremonial circle where he had spent the night. His face was non-expressive but his eyes shown with the light of triumph. There was nothing to stop him from being chief now. He would also take Leyiya for his woman. She would fight at first; her parents would force her, though they would try to delay. A smile tried to curl his lips but he fought the urge. Everything the council had tri...
Version 1
11 Reviews
2 Comments
Jasmine “Why the sad look my lady?” Galland, head of the Queens guard asked. “Are we not on the greatest adventure one could ask for?” “I would much rather be at home. Instead, I’m on this dumb animal headed for The Light knows where, to find a wizard that is supposed to be all powerful, then I’m supposed to teach this wizard what he needs to know to win the final battle. Does that sound like fun to you?” She could hear the snickers of the other men, which in turn made her angry. “Whoa, Girl...
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Reviews
Not bad. The discriptive imagry is there and as well as the mental imagry of the character. I like the fact that he works as a PI for it is a good twist. I also like the part about the ever-present flies though I think it is alittle unreallistic. Flies mean decomposition and as a vampire he is dead but no rotting. Maybe I'm wrong--never met a vampire. I like the twist in the alley and the fact that he is killed again but the way you have it written does not ring true. The vampires eyes give h...
There is promise in this work. Your discriptive writing is very articulate and flows well. Dialog between brother and sister is great and the imagry is there but I did ot feel a real conection between the two. As the older sibling, in the world you have created, I think would have been either a little more simpathetic or a little more harsh with his younger sister, know the effect of her actions and dismissal will have on the family. I like your style of writing, I like the sentence structure...
Very good character development. I have read this twice and can find nothing wrong with it. The words and images flow steady, the mental imagry is constant. I really like what you have here so far and look forward to reading the rest. There is not much I can say in way of critquing this bit but I will say this one thing. Try not to be predictable in your events. Example: I knew that she was going to be attacked after she made her sale. The who and why is not as important as the event itself. ...
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