LMPATE's profile
AGE:
55
LOC: Desoto, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 31
LOC: Desoto, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 31
I want to thank everyone for their reviews, for sharing pieces of themselves with me and for asking for my help. I am taking a break for awhile and will not be available. Hopefully, I will return soon. Until then, may your heart stay strong and your inspirations elevate you.
Items
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
The complexity of my mind is a kaleidoscope of colors, blending together with my moods, melting with my personality. In the state of darkness, the murky browns and grays swirl like a fog, encroaching on solitude Happiness explodes in a rainbow of bright hues and illumination, vivid and rich in their depths, bursting forth across the vast horizon. Anger beats in pools of red, pulsing to a beat that pounds within. Graphic splices slashing across the canvas. Drums beating, pounding, with tempos ...
Version 1
11 Reviews
1 Comment
He lived in the toy box He lived under the bed He lived in the closet And under the shed He lived in the basement All musty and dark He lived in the hallway He lived in the park He lived under the bushes That grew by the fence He lived in the woods Where the trees were so dense He lived in the attic Where old trunks were kept He was stealth and quite sneaky He attacked when I slept Dad would come to my rescue When I was afraid He would check out the closets He would close all the shades He wo...
Version 1
9 Reviews
4 Comments
In the stillness of the early morn When nature shakes off the remnants of slumber Leaves stretching, flowers opening I sit quietly with my cup of tea in reflection. Gazing at the first visages of dawn As the sun lazily climbs into the heavens Gradually dressing the day in a kaleidoscope of hues Huddling a bit deeper into the quilt I have wrapped about me. Oh quiet morn what blessing will you bestow today? A gentle shower, a warm caress? Or will passion shatter us from our doldrums, Enveloping...
Version 2
2 Reviews
2 Comments
My daily drive; today through pouring rain, Behind road fog snaking towards me from the truck ahead, Slowly approaching the cloud-shrouded glass and metal, Framed by downtowns bustling highways. Graffiti on walls and overpasses define the city climate Testimony of a divided space and time Obscenities litter the viaducts and road signs Racial slurs and sexual innuendos graphically apparent. Beggars crowd each corner light. Wheel chaired homeless; missing limbs and teeth, Huddled beneath layers...
Version 1
7 Reviews
7 Comments
Rain falling; washing away the tracks of pain, Steps I cannot feel as the cold winds invade, Time has passed or has it stopped? I care not; time no longer matters. I want to see you one more time, I want to feel your arms about me, Feel the kiss you gently place upon my head, Oh God, I just want to feel again. Did I pass this block before or am I somewhere new? A car honks as I step down off the curb, I stop and stare but cannot see, Tears blind me through the downpour. How can death seem so ...
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Reviews
I felt the adolescent pain of a child ignored by the father over the love of a woman who is not the mother. However, the rhythm is choppy and you seemed to stretch to find words to rhyme. I feel this needs to be fleshed out with examples of choices or issues that happened and also more about the feelings. This conveys hurt and anger but very superficially.
The idea has potential but I felt this rambled on and didn't get to the meat of what this person does or acts that has you so incensed. More description of actions, gestures, indifferences, insults.
Sorry dialog turned me off. Didn't find this entertaining and no catch to keep my interest. I realize that the spirit stays on earth with unfinished business and falls back in love. Story line just seems to be that of a relationship has gone bad. Lots of anger but lacks substance. It may get better further into it. I'm into supernatural but this didn't capture me.
Very interesting story line and I would very much like to read more. Good hook for the audience and characters are taking shape. Lack of description though. I didn't feel myself there as a spectator. I felt that I was listening in on a conversation but not really involved. Be more descriptive of the surroundings-sights, smells, environment- to pull the reader in.
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