LALULIS's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 19
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 19
I came here to Urbis, realizing that this may be the only place to get real and honest critic. I started writing as a deeply needed hobbie,and now would love to become more serious about writing. I tend to be drawn more to poetry,because I feel it at times can express things further, or at least in a more unique fashion than regular ‘speech’. I have great admiration for those story/novel writers, and poets alike.I seem to be one that lacks the patience to actually complete anything longer than poetry. I feel as if I have plenty to learn, and am every bit willing. Though I tend to go all out, or stall-one or the other, depending on my mood and time.I hope to meet lots of fellow- writers, and look forward to the experience here.
oh yah,...
Items
Version 2
7 Reviews
4 Comments
To kiss the hand was to kiss the pain I couldn't bring myself to bare so it goes understandably, I'm left with an inconsolable tear. Still time has yet to fade away the regret of not being strong enough to kiss goodbye his soul. In this place I face the pain each day more that stares me cold. I dare to find another reason to excuse my incompleteness, if my heart hadn't beat so heavy, if hot tears hadn't blinded my eyes, or confusion crowded my mind; If I hadn't felt so numb and unready death ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
14 Reviews
20 Comments
To kiss the hand was to kiss the pain I couldn't bring myself to bare so it goes understandably, I'm left with an inconsolable tear. Still time has yet to fade away the regret of not being strong enough to kiss goodbye his soul. In this place I face the pain each day more that stares me cold. I dare to find another reason to excuse my incompleteness, if my heart hadn't beat so heavy, if hot tears hadn't blinded my eyes, or confusion croweded my mind; If I hadn't felt so numb and unready death...
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Reviews
I must admit,that when I first read the title I was expecting something different.Just as much I loved what I did read...you definitely covered everything there is of a person, and in them..that you wanted to do to/for them! I thought when reading the "In you's" as were pointed out, I thought perhaps that was your way of making the 'doing's' more personalized..far deeper than any words can really describe.-of yourself..-just my thought..there were so many lines that I could list as favorites,...
Wow the emotion in this was deep and pure. one little spelling error?..did you mean sprawled instead of spawled? other than then that this was a wonderful write Imo!.."reach backward for a beginnig" was one of my favorite lines..it so true how that seems to be.. -Lu
0.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
This was short, but really said so much ..my favorite lines were the last 2..such a strong point..and I liked that you mixed in something we could all relate to..wisdom teeth..ouch..lol..and that does seem to be around the time we all wise up , hopefully!..."slept dormant"..was a good play on words to describe that feeling/ stage..I could definitely relate..really nice write!
I actually enjoyed reading this alot..I laughed at "Let's get a facial!"..'Let's sharpen knives in our eyeballs!"..such a man thing to say..and of course the womans obvious next response would be.."you are gay"..you nailed that dialogue perfectly!..and then you had me laughing at "I had shaved that day, but these things grow back.Just wait a few years, lady. You'll have some whiskers of your own soon enough- in the oddest places, if my prayers are answered.".."To be very clear I did not cry: ...
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