“Yes,” I lied. I paused. “No. I mean. I’m just looking.” Feeling bolder, I kept talking. “Any recommendations?” Something about your line structure makes this bit hard to read. Too many breaks in the characters spoken words I think. try to simplify it a bit. “Okay, Nancy Drew, you bring the fingerprint dust kit, I’ll supply the magnifying glass,” This line kind of cheapens your story a bit. It makes it sound like YOU don't take yourself seriously. Over all the piece was okay. I like where you...

I found this to be a lovely piece of prose. The images are solid and stoic, those of legend. However, there was one phrase that I felt did not quite fit in context with the rest... "How lovely is the fine orb with its golden rays that reflect" You were speaking of the moon. But golden rays hardly describe the moon. Did you switch on the sun in the middle of the night? I feel that if you were trying to switch from night to day here, you didn't quite make the leap. But the rest is brilliant.

I liked this..until the end. It is sad that you portay women in need of a man to bring the natural color to their life. What is even more sad is that it is very true. I liked the form you used (and I agree about the over use of punctuation in poetry, although I do feel that in some cases it is a good tool, as good as the words on the page.) Why capitalize touch and blush at the end? I'm curious about your choice there.

I like the image of "strawberry moon". It is a comparison that I have never heard before, although I can picture it in my mind. Over all the poem is nice. Sweet. (Like a strawberry perhaps...) Play around with the form of the poem. Sentence lengths and positioning. See what you can do. It is okay as-is, however I feel you might be able to pull a bit more punch out of it if you play a bit.

This poem has the potential to be very powerful. But I think you might need to do some tweaking first. Grammar-was it intentional. If so, fine, go with it if you feel you must (although I think you should think seriously for your reasons...make sure they are valid). If it wasn't, fix it. Sometimes it can be hard to feel emotion and power when the words are sour as milk. Language-fuck and shit and other such swears, can be very powerful and shocking words. When used properly. They are often ab...

Given the nature of your loss I will try to put my critique of your piece as delicately as possible. I will need your help though. I need you to try for a moment to separate what I say from your grief, as what I have to say about your piece is strictly about your writing alone and should be kept that way. I am sorry for your loss and have no intent of mockery. While I found your piece okay, I feel it lacks the power of the true emotion of loss. I'm not saying you don't feel the grief, I just ...

is it chicken?

very clever. I liked it, thought it flowed nicely. I see the same people when me and my friends decide to blow a few bucks at the local casino...they make me sad.

Fix that stupid sentence that got away from you. Don't let too many people bitch at you about the ending. Be surprised that no one has asked "What exactly DID destroy the world?"

Nice bit here. The beginning "so?" confused me a bit, but nothing that I could get around eventually. I like that this piece isn't cliche. It stands on its own quite well without sounding tired or overdone.