Korp's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 29
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 29
I find myself particularly clever.
Items
Version 2
5 Reviews
0 Comments
You wake with a start. You sit up in bed, pajamas sticking to your clammy skin. This is the third night in a row nightmares have interrupted your sleep. You're breathing heavily. There's no way you can go back to sleep until you've cleared your mind of fear. You grab the remote control from your nightstand. Let's see what's on. Channel 4: The Monster That Ate Maple Street "My god... it's devouring our livelihood!" "There's no way to stop it. It's unstoppable!" "Not unstoppable, Douglas. Every...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
You wake with a start. You sit up in bed, pajamas sticking to your clammy skin. This is the third night in a row nightmares have interrupted your sleep. You're breathing heavily. There's no way you can go back to sleep until you've cleared your mind of fear. You grab the remote control from your nightstand. Let's see what's on. Channel 4: The Monster That Ate Maple Street "My god... it's devouring our livelihood!" "There's no way to stop it. It's unstoppable!" "Not unstoppable, Douglas. Every...
Version 3
6 Reviews
1 Comment
To my friends at the Ashur police department: If Timothy Weaver ever told the truth, it was a half-truth, and Tim Weaver didn't tell the truth often. Asked where Weaver had acquired his extraordinary aptitude for skewing reality, most people would say something like, "His parents didn't teach him right from wrong," or "He's got a demon in'im." Neither were true: the fact was, he simply enjoyed lying. In Weaver's mind, the thrill, however brief, that came from deceiving someone was incomparabl...
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
To my friends at the Ashur police department: If Timothy Weaver ever told the truth, it was a half-truth, and Tim Weaver didn't tell the truth often. Asked where Weaver had acquired his extraordinary aptitude for skewing reality, most people would say something like, "His parents didn't teach him right from wrong," or "He's got a demon in'im." Neither were true: the fact was, he simply enjoyed lying. In Weaver's mind, the thrill, however brief, that came from deceiving someone was incomparabl...
Version 1
8 Reviews
4 Comments
To my friends at the Ashur police department: If Timothy Weaver ever told the truth, it was a half-truth, and Tim Weaver didn't tell the truth often. Asked where Weaver had acquired his extraordinary aptitude for skewing reality, most people would say something like, "His parents didn't teach him right from wrong," or "He's got a demon in'im." Neither were true: the fact was, he simply enjoyed lying. In Weaver's mind, the thrill, however brief, that came from deceiving someone was incomparabl...
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Reviews
This is an interesting series of thoughts. As a short story, though, I'm not sure what to make of it. I often feel that shorter, contemplative pieces such as this one would do well to be a part of a longer story -- a story in which something happens and characters develop. A monologue alone has significantly less impact than a monologue delivered by a character we know within the context of a story we've been following. How much greater would the emotional response from the reader be if he kn...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
You've got some very nice description; the narrative is well-written overall. I must ask myself, however, whether the world really needs another vampire love story. I can't tell from this small portion, but I'm hoping you've decided to do something at least a bit different from the norm in the rest of the story. "I felt no remorse for the boy..." This sentence didn't make much sense to me. If she truly didn't feel any remorse, why would she even mention it? If it's typical for vampires to fee...
So I'm assuming our narrator is the one dead on the table? Well-written overall, with a couple little grammatical errors. I enjoyed your style, that of an outsider looking in. You employed first-person narration well; his thoughts added to the scene instead of bogging it down with verbose asides. My favourite part, and the paragraph that stuck with me the most: "He was the one I felt sorry for..." This really made me think, much more than any hokey medical drama on television has. In fact, I ...
There's not much I can say about this as is, since it has an incomplete plot and most of it is narration. I will say that you've got some nice description; I could envision the setting in my mind's eye quite clearly. The (brief) dialogue between the men sounds realistic. I'd like to read the rest. Editing & Grammar: "Wooden, slat..." and "... sleepy, little..." and "... old, home made, bamboo..." Kill all of the commas. "... grew bigger and bigger with each version. "... about is as if..." "....
Interesting anecdote, but too laden with description to truly grab the reader's interest. Half of the story is spent describing the surroundings. While that's a relevant and important part of many stories, you overdo it here. I'd like more time spent on what you did there and less on precisely what there looked like. Your method of description was also very ho-hum and lacking in colour; try spicing it up: similes, metaphors, etc. The sitting on a wasp thing has to be one of my greatest fears....
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