Kitestar's profile

Kitestar avatar
AGE: 18
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 16

Umm.. let’s see.  I’m a 16 year old writer, love to draw.. write.. and so on.  Most of my characters are animals, and I hardly ever write about people.

My art, if you’re interested in seeing it, is at cmann10.deviantart.com.

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Items
Poetry / Burst of Light
Version 1
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A child’s allowance A need to try A want to prove Can create a life. A sense of doubt A list of tries An understanding of power Can take life away. A snap of the fingers A throw of the fist A blow of a bomb Can end a war. The stab of a knife The aim of a gun The change of a body Can silence for life. The greed of men Curious, able The quest for knowledge Can kill a little girl. The love for another The care and devotion The desire to please Can form a flower. All it takes is A burst of light,...
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Poetry / Life
Version 1
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Draw the circle Place the things Close the eyes Take a breath Place the things Make a thought Close the eyes Begin the dream Make a thought Know the wish Begin the dream Place the hands Know the wish Connect a life Place the hands Start the song Connect a life Mend a heart Start the song See the magic Mend a heart Do the trade See the magic Fix a future Do the trade Another death Fix a future Bleed for him Another death Try again Bleed for him To live again Try again Close the eyes To live ag...
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Poetry / Spirit High
Version 1
1 Review   1 Comment
Wings as soft as cotton; Hooves as hard as diamonds; Speed as fast as sound; Mind of the forgotten. Tail and mane behind him, Nothing but the ground Can turn him around From this life of which he’s gotten. Some say that he’s a ghost, Some say that he’s a god All they see is a shadow, sleek Then he’s past their post “I know his secret” They hear me prod. He is the king of the strong and the weak.
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Version 1
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Hidden in the back of conspiracies Many methods and theories are born To fix and mend if a soul is torn. Somewhere in the theories a creature spies Tormented body, soulless eyes Given strange powers no human had worn They search and kill, no need for mourn They wear the mark of the homunculi. They fight together, follow the path Share the goal, see their dream as just Pray to be humans in the distant future Gluttony, Pride, Envy, Wrath Sloth, Greed, as well as Lust The Seven Sins of human tor...
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Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
Sinking into the cold ocean waves My feet slip into sand-like graves Watch the soul of the sea dance and play Never tiring, night or day Grant sprays flight, falling like drapes. Seeing spirits so free, my soul it saves My heart flies out, for them it raves. Frolicking, spinning, without delay Sinking into the cold ocean waves. There are times I wish I could join them, these craves Wishing I could be one to earn this praise I dream I hear words welcome me, they say: “The water’s warm, come in...
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Reviews
Deleted Item
I don't know if it was your intention for doing this, but your dialogue should be in paragraphs of their own, when the person saying it is different. I know that sometimes writers use the technique and put dialogue together into one paragraph, so if that was your original intention, then forget I said anything. I did sometimes have trouble with figuring out who the voice belonged to, but after reading it again I figured it out. The idea of the story is really nice, and the story itself is ver...
I like the word use and the concerete imagery that you offer in this piece. However, some of the voice outside of dialogue is a bit too casual and it kind of makes the reader wonder if the writer was taking this seriously. I'm sure that you were, but it doesn't come of that way. Don't take this critically; I very much enjoyed this chapter and look forward to reading more.
Poetry / Beyond Belief
This has a sort of Anaïs Nin feel to it, and she is an amazing writer, so for me to be so bold as to compare this to her work is just about the highest honour I can give. I especially love the space in between--the italics--that seem like a passing thought but really make up a lot of the beauty and gentleness of this poem. Its so soft and delicate, but also very strong and real-life. To achieve all of these qualities in a ninety-six word poem is truly an amazing feat.
Poetry / Loved
This is a very well described piece of work, though some of the diction could be better. Also, in the second line, is "rouch" a typo or is that actually a word. If so, maybe use better context, because its not in my dictionary. The beat isn't always consistent, but its close enough to where it doesn't take away from the poem. This has the potential to be a very great poem, with a few minor adjustments.
Poetry / Think About It
Its a bit depressing, but.. Its so true. Love it.
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