KindredSpirit's profile

KindredSpirit avatar
AGE: 99
LOC: Honolulu, HI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 17

       Hello fellow writers.  My absolute passion is screenwriting.  I write just about everyday and study at least two films a week.  I’ve completed two feature length screenplays, one stage play, and one short film (all still in the rewriting process), and I’ve begun outlining a third feature.  I’ve studied screenwriting here in Hawaii and have traveled to Los Angeles and London for seminars.  As a break from screenwriting I attempt poetry and song lyrics, which are the only things I’ve posted here so far.

       I really like Urbis, except for a couple of reviewers who think they have to be nasty in order to ‘review’ something.  I completely disagree with this approach.  We’re all different, at different levels of writing, and all …

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Poetry / A Final Kiss
Version 2
42 Reviews   27 Comments
You must fly from me, love. I have been warmed by your touch Far longer than we burned, And a sweeter cherry awaits your pluck. Autumn's reach has wilted my flesh, While youth springs from your loins. Ah, younger men… life has nipped my tail And the lining has begun to show. Frivolous girl, I was, dancing playfully to Lusty whispered promises in squeaky beds Where moans of determined pleasure Replaced coos of innocence. Now, I lie alone, and bellowing silence Surrounds the aching crescendo Of...
Ratings & Rankings
 Plus-button Clarity
Version 2
29 Reviews   20 Comments
Even now, I try to picture your face in my mind, Yet I cannot. Bending closer to serve your coffee, I wonder why have I not noticed before today that your eyes shine the richest, deepest, chocolate brown? I have been distracted, misdirected, and would apologize, though it's more than likely you have not noticed me in the way I have most recently and absolutely without question, noticed you. Encourage me, Perhaps with only the smallest of smiles Directed my way. Speaking of which, I also ask w...
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Poetry / A Final Kiss
Version 1
23 Reviews   22 Comments
You must fly from me, love. A fresher cherry awaits your pluck. I have been warmed by your touch Far longer than we burned. Autumn's gaze has tired me, While youth springs from your loins. Ah, younger men… life has finally caught my tail And the lining has begun to show. My fountain sings of yesterday's memories Of dancing feet and winking eyelashes, Promises that ended soon enough In squeaky beds, Erasing coos of innocence With moans of determined pleasure. Now I lie alone with no sound To c...
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Poetry / Inspiration
Version 2
6 Reviews   4 Comments
For the longest time, I wanted to be free But I kept it so well hidden, I almost forgot, Until I looked at you, free, easy, beautiful... … and remembered. Then I felt it again, That part of me that wanted to fly, to soar, So I took a chance. I squeezed myself between the cold, black, iron bars, And opened my wings. I listened... for the wind, And waited. And it came.
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Inspiration
Version 1
14 Reviews   8 Comments
For the longest time, I wanted to be free. But I kept it so well-hidden I almost forgot. And when I looked at you so free, and easy, and beautiful... I remembered. And I felt it again, That part of me that wanted to fly, to soar. So I took a chance. I squeezed myself between the cold, black, iron bars, And I opened my wings. I listened... for the wind, And I waited. And it came.
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Nice take on cynicism, however, Plastic World may not be an apt title because, how or why it's plastic is never really shown. The rhythm is all over the place but it's fixable by giving it a bit more structure. The 1st verse, with rhyming of girl and world, name and fame, is almost like a lyric, but the 2nd is more like prose. If you restructure it you might want to decide to use rhyme throughout or not at all. Or if you want to mix it up, maybe rhyme the 1st and not the 2nd but be consistent...
Query Letter / Pandora's Succession
Maybe instead of 'the ones responsible,' I'd say 'those responsible.' Another maybe, possibly split this sentence into two: '... biology at Indiana University. The military information...'. Again, I think your letter is intelligent and well-written. The book sounds very exciting. Nothing is a turn off.
Screenplay / The DayCare Dash
Locked
Query Letter / Pandora's Succession
The whole idea about a killer microbe falling into terrorist hands is compelling. It reminds me of a Robert Ludlum espionage novel. I reviewed Version 1. The content of this letter is fine. Does a love relationship develop between Fox and Colvin? Because if it did, that would give me even more reason to read it. If so, you should allude to that in your letter because it would probably reach a wider audience. A great addition is how you've added credibility to your story by mentioning you stud...
Screenplay / Barabac
Locked
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