KikiMarooni's profile
AGE:
29
LAST LOGIN: November 19
LAST LOGIN: November 19
Hi, I love writing!
I’m probably not going to say anything here that’s different to anybody else on this site. I read like somebody’s going to take books away from me. I write when I can and enjoy every chance. I’m working in a very dull office with marginally less dull people, but harbour secret hopes of escape…..one day.
Oh, and I’d love to know what you all think of my writing!
Items
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Bryn laughed as he fell whilst reaching to grab an apple as it fell from the tree. Autumn was bristling around him and the crisp, cool air carried the scent of gently warmed and ripened fruit, tinged with the promise of coming frost. The valley brimmed with colour at this time of year; Nature had laid down her bounty for her people and in doing so had been crowned with russet and gold. Though it was always the busiest time of year, it was also Bryn’s favourite and he drank in its sights...
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Version 1
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* I only have time to care. * Thank God it isn't over yet! * Music was passionate, dope was fiendish. * The end? I wish I knew! * Why does sadness run in families? * I have babies yet to come! * Was one, found other, now whole. * The world's a very big place.
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Tragedy haunts some people's lives mercilessly.
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Version 1
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Tragedy haunts some people's Lives.
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Version 1
5 Reviews
5 Comments
WHEN HARD TIMES HIT, WE HOPE HELP WILL BE THERE, BUT WHAT IF IT’S NOT? I sat down with a bump on the side of the bed, the phone still by my ear, unable to believe what I was hearing. “But what if it was your Mum? Would you be happy to leave her like that?” Silence from the other end. I was talking to my Mother-in-law’s social worker. My Mother-in-Law, Lana, has suffered from MS for twelve years. She always got by stoically living on her own and maintained an active social life. That all chang...
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Hiya, Sorry for what must seem like fierce criticisms but there are quite a lot of problems with this piece. Firstly, is there a reason it is all written in capitals? - It reads like shouting. There are quite a few spelling errors or colloquialisms (such as 'comin'); if you want it to stay without the 'g' to make it sound like a particular accent, you need to apostrophise the missing letter (e.g. comin'). If this is a poem you need to give it structure. Break it up into lines and verses. It d...
This is very short, so it's hard to form an opinion on the piece as a whole. The devise you use is effective, it definitely gives the impression of somebody waking up / coming to. It has been used quite a lot by other writers. Perhaps you could add a different spin on it? Perhaps include something more abstract in the short sentences? Perhaps something more about where he has come from? Talking about 'coming to' made me think of rushing upwards through a pool of water towards light - maybe yo...
I haven't marked this as publishable purely because I can't see where or why it would be published. Perhaps you could expand on it? I have to say that personally, I disagree with the content. What happens when your parents / partner falls ill and you have to give up your happiness to care for them? Should we not sacrifice for them? Also how about there being no greater love than to lay down one's life for a friend - that would definately impede one's happiness!? Furthermore, does love consist...
The idea behind the poem is great. The executuon is also great, I like this piece a lot. I love the second line "..neighbours were always & wholly". It almost gives the poem a Dylan Thomas feel. The first two verses a good and I don't think they need changing. The last two verses are also fine, however I feel like there's a verse or two missing in between. The poem jumps really quickly from describing this idylic youth to bemoaning it's loss and the chances of life. In my humble opinion, it w...
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