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KidMemnoch's profile
AGE:
17
LOC: Belvidere, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 04
LOC: Belvidere, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 04
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Version 1
8 Reviews
3 Comments
3. He drove as if he had a death wish. Just being in that piece of crap car of his was bad enough, but he went cruising on far past the speed limit, too distraught with his emotions to give a fuck. The darkness of the night was an advocate of his current state of mind, wrapping around him like a securing blanket, limiting his sight and the distractions from what really concerned him. Her face and what she had told him earlier that night. “No…” he heard her say in a calm, hesitant voice. “No,”...
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Hey an epilogue comes at the end of a novel to bring closure to the story. The word your thinking of is prologue (just thought you'd like to know that). Anyways, really good writing here. Especially when it comes to your vivid imagery and descriptive passages. You show, not tell what's going on and that's great, something I'm still working on. Just a couple bits of criticism (hopefully constructive) seeing as you write pretty darn good. "this animalistic urge so deep seated in the heart of ma...
Hey good detail and nice descriptive imagery. You got a lot of grammar problems though. A lot of "ands" you can get rid of and you should really be more concise. With some work on that this will be a much better passage as it would flow much smoother. Your first sentence is real repetitive, real dragged out. Here's a suggestion on how to write it. Lightning flashed, fire burned, water rushed in, the earth shook, but as the last of the fire died down, when the water ran dry, and the tremors en...
The journal entries sound different from the narrative, and that's good of course. It sounds like how a journal entry would be written. The stream of consciousness of it, hearing the character jump from thought to thought, flows well and again this was a good read. You had me laughing at some of the characteres ditzyness. Espacially the gay part. I was very angry when reading the part about dinner with the family. How Selena's mom and brother can be so cruel or how the dad can stay so quiet. ...
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