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KettiS's profile
AGE:
15
LOC: Temecula, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 19
LOC: Temecula, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 19
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Version 1
9 Reviews
0 Comments
My story's finished, but never ended.
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Version 3
13 Reviews
0 Comments
Did you know that the sound of crickets chirping is actually the vibration produced by the nasty little things rubbing their legs together? Or whatever the legs are called on crickets. I read it in a book when I was little, and occasionally the fact pops up in my head. I think that’s why I’ve always hated the sound of them. Not to mention I’ve always had this bug paranoia. So when I’m lying on a blanket in a big, empty field full of yellowing wild grass with my eyes closed, the thought that a...
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Version 2
4 Reviews
3 Comments
Did you know that the sound of crickets chirping is actually the vibration produced by the nasty little things rubbing their legs together? Or whatever the legs are called on crickets. I read it in a book when I was little, and occasionally the fact pops up in my head. I think that’s why I’ve always hated the sound of them. Not to mention I’ve always had this bug paranoia. So when I’m lying on a blanket in a big, empty field full of yellowing wild grass with my eyes closed, the thought that a...
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Version 1
12 Reviews
12 Comments
Did you know that the sound of crickets chirping is actually the vibration produced by the things rubbing their legs together? Or whatever the legs are called on crickets. Either way, I think that’s why I’ve always hated the sound of them. Not to mention I’ve always had this bug paranoia. So when I’m lying on a blanket in a field full of yellowing wild grass with my eyes closed, the thought that a cricket could be crawling towards me, rubbing its hairy legs, I’m not thinking of peace and quie...
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Version 1
5 Reviews
4 Comments
Acrylic fingernail Inner thigh he said he said he said "Hi." Lipstick Smudge Accusing Glare She Said She said she said "Drop Dead." Bridges Burnt Hearts Hurt He said he said he said "Why?" Eighteen Stanzas Six Couplets Telling of Locked Lips Brutal Kiss Love's Missed One mistake Greeting, wish, question Hi Drop Dead Why? Greeting, wish, question greeting wish question
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I love how this is written. The dip into foreign language isn't, as one would expect, confusing, but instead gives it a playfully diverse feel, like all the men in the world truly think of such a thing. I know I have, and it sums up some internal wishes very well. Very nicely written. Well done.
I'd like to start by mentioning that there are a few notable grammatical and spelling errors in this piece, starting with the mispelling of pajamas, then a seemingly missing word in the last sentence of the second paragraph. Also, when you are describing how she hears nothing, the writing seems fast-paced and slightly confusing. I'd recommend reading your writing over before posting it, just to catch typos. Other than that, the imagery was well-done and the plot intriguing. Keep writing!
I don't want to say this is pointless, but it seems like more a sort of opinion on something or a conversation starter than any means of expression. I'd recommend that you try to work at personal issues in journal-style writings rather than observations on outsiders.
Well, I love figs too, and this may very well have inspired a dirty thought for a second. Well done, with structure as well as imagery. Short, sweet, to the point. I like it.
I get the feeling this is slightly beyond me in vocabulary, grammatical, and general writing knowledge, but I do think it's a bit of a mouthful. The flow is slightly scattered with the first paragraph, and though the descriptions are wonderful, I had trouble determining whether they were literal or metaphorical. Not quite sure what you were aiming for, but well done nonetheless.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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