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KentJaxson's profile
AGE:
23
LOC: Canada
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 11
LOC: Canada
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 11
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Items
Version 4
1 Review
0 Comments
walking back to the front of my minds big top I've left my head somewhere it does not fit quite right like a man in womens clothing I push against the seams in some places but don't fill in where I should in others too far or not far enough crushed like discarded pieces of paper from too many good poems that you were afraid to keep and the children like the pavement get set in place with a good foundation then run over so we can get things done so someone new with their head lost as a child l...
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Version 3
0 Reviews
0 Comments
lies and other fantasies walking back to the front of my minds big top I've left my head somewhere it does not fit quite right like a man in womens clothing I am bursting against the seams in some places but don't fill in where I should in others being crushed like the discarded piece of paper from to many good poems that you were afraid to keep and the children like the pavement get set in place with a good foundation then run over so we can get things done so someone new with their head los...
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Version 2
2 Reviews
3 Comments
lies and other fantasies walking back to the front of my minds big top I've left my head somewhere it does not fit quite right like a man in womens clothing I am bursting against the seams in some places but don't fill in where I should be in others being crushed like the discarded piece of paper from to many good poems that you were afraid to keep and the children like the pavement get set in place with a good foundation then run over so we can get things done so bigger people with faster pl...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
7 Reviews
0 Comments
I slept in today only to find that the sky had cancelled all my appointments for me. It left me with the free time to catch up on the many things that I needed to do like sitting on the couch and oversleeping. Somewhere inbetween old football highlights and the faux fags on the interior design shows I secretly like watching It dawned on me that as soon as I have something I don't want it and as soon as I lose that sometihng I want it more than anything else. As I was sitting there doing what ...
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Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
I slept in today only to find that the sky had cancelled all my appointments for me. It left me with the free time to catch up on the many things that I needed to do like sitting on the couch and oversleeping. Somewhere inbetween old football highlights and the faux fags on the interior design shows I secretly like watching It dawned on me that as soon as I have something I don't want it and as soon as I lose that sometihng I want it more than anything else. As I was sitting there doing what ...
Ratings & Rankings
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Reviews
Funny and entertaining, I liked it. A little bit of character development for our speaker would have made things a little clearer for some reason I can't put my finger on why but I did feel that way. You used the spacing and capatalization well to emphasize the nun's anger and your unique way of foreshadowing your "moral" in the story was nice and real. I did not find the moral forced at all I am pretty sure this or something very close to this actually happened to you. I find it charming, pa...
Not much of it sounded original at all until you got about 2/3's of the way throguh the piece. It sounded very much like every gangster rap song I've heard over the last 15 years. Unless you've got a great beat and a lyrical hook in their I didn't notice its not gonna fly. After saying that however there was some potential shown. Make an effort to break away from commonly used metaphors and find original ways to work in what you're dealing with through the use of other icons and ideas in urba...
You use quotation marks and don't close them with quotation marks in diferent parts of the poem..at least twice. Personally I like to break from a rhyming scheme in order to create emphasis but I don't think your subject matter really needs it so you can get away with the very standard structure as it fits in with the military theme and even the programmed response "we are regret to inform" that has been uttered to many many families. I also enjoyed how you showed a brief vague family dynamic...
I found the character development was quite strong throughout the piece until it reached the ending when she starts apoligizing it is very nice but it almost has her reverting back to her earlier self. Was this done on purpose in order to tie the piece together if so the apology should show some of the personal growth and her learning to be "selfish." Examples of her growth and ability to be selfish would be nice there may be some that others would find quite funny to them. I believe some of ...
I quite appreciate the attention to meter but at one point for the sake of adding a dramatic pause I would do something with the line I hear you want to talk, I know I don’t I didn't feel that the comma really stopped me enough to get the effect that I think that line could have very dry impressive writing something thankfully most people I've reviewed on this site have tried to do. It stings with a harsh tone of voice that sounds very fresh from the emotional falling out and feelings of reje...
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