I liked this, but don't understand why it was written? It seems like a short descriptive paragraph for a writing class. Don't get me wrong, it's good but what will you do with it?

I had a bit of trouble with your story, there really isn't a plot and the characters, particulary the young boy could be expanded. At first I thought Bean was a girl, you may wish to make it clearer earlier on that he's a boy. I didn't understand why there was a fear of goanna and I didn't understand the reference to the beach, how it fit into the story. Were you planning on using this as part of a larger piece of work?

I had trouble with this, I don't know who Richard Agnew is so a lot of your story is lost on me. I myself write stories with references to other authors/writers but I think the stories stand alone ie the reader doesn't have to look up the reference to understand the story. In your case I don't believe your story stands alone, is that what you wanted? It makes very little sense to someone who doesn't understand Agnew and Bird and the Gang. Also, having the first two lines in poetry seems like ...

I really enjoyed this, the way you've written your narrator's boredom was well done. I would maybe add a bit of detail about the narrator's feelings, maybe how s/he goes from bored to slightly creeped out by the student. Don't make it really obvious, don't hit your reader over the head but a bit of a subtle change in his/her attitude would contribute to the overall feeling of creepy that you're aiming for. Also, perhaps a bit more sophisticated math would help. And maybe a bit more physical d...

This was a cute piece and I enjoyed it but when dealing with the vatican, particlarly when using the tone that you're using I think you need to elevate the writing a bit. You need to refer more to specific elements of catholic dogma to really get the message home. You're writing is good but your point is made in the kind of 'hit the reader over the head' way, I think it would be more clever to be subtle and acidic in your criticism. I would love to see this as part of a larger piece of work.

I liked the premise of your story but I'm a bit confused. You say your roommate did not lose his life but you said he died. In fact, you said he had cancer. Did he have actual cancer or is this some sort of imagery? Are you planning on doing something else with this ie including it in a longer piece of work? As it is, it's not really a story, more of a descriptive exercise. I'd like to read more.

This was cute, you've obviously done the exercise as instructed. I would remove the bold on the words, it makes it easier to read and removes the idea that this is an exercise, rather than a short story. I like your character and would like to see more of the story. The one line where you mention the gaunt old man, I would change the word 'the' gaunt old man to 'a' gaunt old man, as you've not mentioned him before. Also, you say that the beautiful woman's reaction to the old man was lost on y...

It's nice that you've informed us that your story has been published but I wonder if it has been in the format you've presented. There are a few grammatical errors and at least one typo that I've spotted. Also, you've said that this is a testament to your twisted ending style of writing. I honestly do not see anything twisted at all about a man who's basically done himself in by smoking. You smoke, you die of lung cancer. Where's the twist? I was confused by the middle of your story because y...

This is an amazing story, made even more amazing by your dedication. The way you work in your narrator's past memories with what (we suppose) is the present is extremely well done, as is the 'twist' at the end. I agree with you, while this isn't what would traditionally be termed a horror story, it's realism is horrific. It's a sad tale and your writing style and description is well-suited to the telling of the tale.

There's that debate about whether a story actually needs a prologue or not. You should be able to introduce everything you've got here in the first chapter, maybe not so directly as you have but more tantilisingly so. I would say get rid of the prologue altogether. I would also say that I find the fact that Jerry doesn't know how violent his girlfriend/common-law wife is unbelieveable, particularly after so much time together. Maybe you can say that he's seen hints of it in the past, little t...