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KeBove's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Rutland, VT
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 18
LOC: Rutland, VT
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 18
Me? Well, I’m not exactly normal. I know a lot of teenagers say that about themselves, but I’m pretty sure I’m right about myself nonetheless. I’m very, very eccentric. I switch from quiet and withdrawn, to dancing around the room and singing with absolutely no warning. I’m very moody, and I have a really nasty temper, though it rarely bears its head. I really hate people that review my work commenting on my age. Yes, I’m 16. Get the fuck over it. As for my reviews, just like in real life, I can be merciless. If you want to actually accomplish something, then learn to love heavy criticism. It’s what improves you. Bye bye!
Items
Version 1
12 Reviews
3 Comments
Dear Michelle, Last night, I ate a whole box of fortune cookies, just so I could find a fortune having something to do with love. When I finally did, it read, “Write a love letter this week”. So here I am, sitting at my desk, writing you a love letter. I know it sounds strange, but it’s sort of late, and I’m a little drunk, so I guess it makes some sort of sense. I’ve never really written a love letter, so bear with me if I don’t really do this right. Anyway, we’ve been neighbors for a long t...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
14 Reviews
10 Comments
The SUV hit the wolf with a thud, throwing the animal over the hood and onto the windshield. Its blood smeared the windshield in a dull red glaze, a spider-web of cracks spreading from the impact point in an instant. Inside, the driver worked to regain control of the vehicle, the SUV’s tires squealing in protest against the ice coating the dirt road. As the vehicle regained traction, its driver guided it to the shoulder of the road. Coming to a stop, he pulled the keys from the ignition, and...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
18 Reviews
5 Comments
There was something about you that caught my eye. Maybe it was the way wiggled your ass when you walked, then sneered at the men who dared to look at you. Maybe it was that smug smile on your face, like you could do anything and away with it. Hell, you probably could have. But really, I think it was the way you carried yourself that pulled me to you; you were drop dead gorgeous, and you wouldn’t let anyone forget it. As you passed through the crowded bar, you glanced at me. It was only for a...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
28 Reviews
3 Comments
The SUV hit the wolf with a thud, throwing the animal over the hood and onto the windshield. Its blood smeared the windshield in a dull red glaze, a spider-web of cracks spreading from the impact point in an instant, falling slightly inwards towards the center. Inside, the driver worked to regain control of the vehicle, the SUV’s tires squealing in protest against the ice coating the dirt road. As the vehicle regained traction, its driver guided it to the shoulder of the road. Coming to a st...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
16 Reviews
9 Comments
The SUV hit the wolf with a thud, throwing the animal over the hood and onto the windshield. It’s blood smeared the windshield in a dull red glaze, a spider-web of cracks spreading from the impact point in an instant, falling slightly inwards towards the center. Inside, the driver worked to regain control of the vehicle, the SUV’s tires squealing in protest against the ice coating the dirt road. As the vehicle regained traction, its driver guided it to the shoulder of the road. It halted, an...
Ratings & Rankings
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Reviews
My notes for this piece: -Nice beginning. Attention grabbing. -You may want to drop "plausibly" as it sounds unnecessary to me -"He didn’t wince for that matter" I'm not sure I understand the use of the word "wince" -"They had a precipitous 30-min supper earlier" I've never heard precipitous used in this way, and I'm not sure it makes that much sense. Also, "30-min" should be changed, possibly to "half-hour" or "thirty minute" -Change "biting" to "acerbic" or "virulent" -I'm not fond of the d...
Just a few notes: -Your dialog is believable, and your prose flows quite well. -You have a few tense slips here and there. -In certain places, you use elispes where you should use dashes. Sorry, but I don't have anything else to point out. This is a great piece, and you don't make many mistakes!
Wow. I really like this piece. You've done a really excellent job on it. With such a short story, it's often hard to build tension properly, but you really nailed it. I particularly like the way you develop your main characters psyche, becoming more and more twisted as the story progresses. You reveal just enough information to make the story work, but to still leave enough blanks for the reader to fill in. I also really like the ending. It's really speaks of something greater. My only quibbl...
This is really quite well done. Just a few points -I'm not too fond of the elispes. I never actually use them in my own writing, as often they can be replaced by a comma, semicolon, or colon. -Not to diss your story, but it's sort of uneventful, especially for the beginning of a novel. Personally, I always start out with some attention grabbing event, to hook the readers attention. -The flashbacks do seem rather abrupt. I would try and fit them in a bit better. I hope I didn't come off as ove...
A few things that stuck out: -"Graceful, but butt, fuck’n ugly swamp ass donkeys This took me a few reads to get straight -"Too much attention not being paid to the road right in front of you" This sounds awkward Other than that, either you didn't make any more mistakes, or I was to caught up in the story to notice them. Seriously, this is great stuff. Timmy's voice is perfect, a real New Englander, and you tell both stories well. The older story, the "tale" is great. It's a perfect ghost sto...
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