Karl_A_Russell's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 26
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 26
33 years old, complaints analyst for a major UK retailer, married, voracious reader (predominantly SF), collector of comic books and artwork…
This year, I’ve lost my Nan to old age and found that I’m about to be a dad for the first time. Talk about your life changing experiences… Between the creation of new life and a stark reminder of how short my own is, I’ve finally got my backside in gear and started one of the three big stories I’ve always intended to write and just never got round to. Hopefully, if enough people like it, I’ll find the motivation to continue and complete it, and those of you who don’t will give me enough pointers to make it as good as I know it can be.
Items
Version 2
2 Reviews
0 Comments
I woke to the sound of a dozen carts trundling past the station. It took me a minute to fully realise where I was, staring up at the unfamiliar ceiling and trying to piece the previous evening back together in my head. Then it came together and I understood the bed, the noise outside and the fact that I was already late for my first full day on the job. I dragged myself out of the bed, took a quick shower a...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 5
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Josh died without a sound. Raising the ruined stump of his forearm he held it to his chest with his remaining hand, but there was no real effort to stop the flow of blood which washed across his stained denim workshirt. He showed no fear, no anger, just the same docile acceptance as all the sheep we had lifted into the grinders together. The machines had slow...
Ratings & Rankings
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Reviews
This was a nice little piece, well written and with a strangely affecting intimacy. With the anonymity of Urbis and the lack of descriptive details, it's possible for the reader to project themselves into the role of dream(ed) lover, picturing the dreamer as a friend, an ex, a colleague or a stranger in the street, whichever suits. As a bloke, I automatically pictured the dreamer/narrator as a woman, and there was little in the story to contradict this, but it could just as easily work the ot...
Okay, first things first, this isn't a treatment. A treatment is a specific type of document which outlines the entire plot from start to finish and which is intended to pique the interest of potential publishers. You send it along with a sample chapter or two (more like what you have here) and ask them if they want to read the rest. This gives them the opportunity to see how well you can write and where the plot is going - If it turns into hackneyed nonsense halfway through (or just not the ...
To be honest, I'm not sure what I can offer here, as it's not clear what you were trying to accomplish. It's different, I suppose, but while it's certainly well written it's also under-written and doesn't actually go anywhere. The multiple-blowjob part of the story wasn't particularly amusing, arousing or affecting - If you wanted to go for over the top humour which seems to be the case then further description is required (by which I mean the difficulty she had in hanging on, the speed with ...
66.6667% Review Quality (3 Votes)
Not much of a review I'm afraid, but this is probably the best piece of non-fiction I've read for quite a while. Even knowing that you made it out in one piece (physically at least), there's a palpable sense of danger and uncertainty and that old excitement of doing something really dumb because you just can't imagine it going wrong. Probably my one request would be more detail about Mike, even if it's just a two line sketch. You create some very clear images, but Mike is a bit of a blur, and...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
This was a well written and fairly enlightening piece, to which I can only make a couple of suggestions for improvement. Firstly, watch the parentheses. Using them early on to give editorial asides orks well, but you start to tell that joke too often and people start to skip anything in brackets (even if it's important). Secondly, some of your freewheeling sentences become extremely tortured in the car journey section, especially when Daddy stops the car. I know that your building a head of s...
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