Kae's profile

Kae avatar
AGE: 20
LOC: Littleton, CO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 19

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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Chapter One
Version 1
7 Reviews   4 Comments
Chapter One Fine things filled the room, but all that filled the air was a steady tap-tap-tap-tap. Jacob sat with his hands interwoven in his lap and a shiny black dress shoe drumming against the leg of a coffee table. The table had a bare mica finish with wooden oak edges and carved legs. He leaned back and his body sank deep into the center of the red and gold couch; his brow furrowed with impatience. It was 8:30. She was supposed to be here at 7:00. During that hour and a half he had worke...
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Poetry / Blue Flow
Version 1
1 Review   1 Comment
Remember… Remember… I remember a feeling— A deep, dark, cold feeling A soundless feeling The feeling of fresh, still snow, Like I’m watching it fall, alone, in December The feeling of the ocean, Like I’m being sucked inside out with the pressure Yet gentle, so gentle Sometimes, only the feeling of a clear, cold night sky, I sit under the stars, so humbled by the beauty, The impersonality of the infinite Oh, the blue refraction inside my heart, I’m encompassed by it, the passive force Gentle p...
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Short Story / Psychology of Shades
Version 1
7 Reviews   5 Comments
White on one side; black on the other. He stood split in half by the division running across the rectangular room—is it really rectangular? It looks that way sometimes... others... I’m not so sure— scrawling up the walls and onto the ceiling. One entire side of the room was ebony, the matte walls—there are walls right?—showing no texture, no reflection. The other side was white; the kind of white that seemed to absorb rather than repel in the absence of any flaws. The division between the two...
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Short Story / STATIC
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Goth Kid
The grammar problems are really distracting lol, but I won't get into them since you asked not to. I'd recommend reading up on comma use though, so the sentences aren't run-ons. It'll help the flow of the story. I like the ideas presented in the story so far. I wouldn't change anything about that. I'm interested in where it goes, and I like how you make it clear what being a vampire really is about, versus what people think it's about, especially all the people trying to be one. What I would ...
Novel Treatments / Leavings
Not a bad start on a story, especially for a first ^_^ You need to work on some spelling and grammar mistakes, but you can pry find that fairly easily. Put quotes of thoughts in italics to make it clear they're separate from the rest of the sentence. I would make first part about Emily into a first chapter or prologue, the part about Margie the next chapter, and then the part with both of them a third. You could turn it into a pattern where you talk in third person mainly from the perspective...
Novel Treatments / untitled
All I have to say is: damn. I'm not sure where this story is going, but it's getting there well. I'm VERY interested in seeing this continued. You set the characters out in an interesting light. You bring up interesting ideas and concepts. It's an excellent piece overall. There are a few places where it gets a little confusing; you might work on the flow. However, that seems to reflect Susanna's state of mind. So long as that's the intent, it doesn't take away from the story, though you may s...
Novel Treatments / Dark Ridge
Very good job. You manage to create a personal connection between the reader and the characters in only that short of a time. The dialogue is excellent; the descriptions are excellent. The single thing I can find to criticize is, "... faithfully all these years, only straying the one time." You go no further into what that might involve, how Amos feels about whatever the incident was, or how his wife feels. That leaves the reader's imagination to wander, and it somewhat harmed my initial idea...
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