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JonathanJoel's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Gainesville, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 02
LOC: Gainesville, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 02
I’m being consumed by apathy and procrastination, but I don’t care enough to fight back.
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Version 1
6 Reviews
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I loved to watch them change, the velvet red moon bleeding through midnight clouds. There was always that warm breeze on the air, that’s how I knew. Warm currents meant the wolves were coming. It was never as dark or macabre as the movies made it, no, the change meant new life. I could see the birth of a new entity in their eyes. They stretched to huge sizes, much larger than a typical human’s eye; it was almost all pupil. A deep, black chasm replaced the iris. They could see through any dark...
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This is very heartfelt and I can tell that your baby boy means a lot to you. However I'd like to see you work on it a little more, the first thing I noticed is that you misspelled "angel" in the 1st line. Overall the poem is a bit cliche, and perhaps a little droll. Try to spice it up a little, to avoid sounding like something my great grandma would needlework into a pillow.
I can feel for this poem 100%. It's ironic that just this morning I woke up thinking about someone that I have lost. People go away all the time, whether it's death or ended relationships or just the whirlpool of life sucking them down. I think this poem is a great way to express the emotions that millions of people share across the globe. Great piece.
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