"Amount." - In a realistic role play would this really be said or would an actual dollar amount be imagined aloud? husband’s funeral; and of course the policy. - Is the semi-colon correct? I thought it was used to seperate two independent clauses... 'When he’d visualized..' - a bit tongue-trippy, might I suggest [he had] simply because it is easier to read? Peering up at Carl, Rod was a baby seal. = perfect visual, rife with double entendre as I see this poor baby seal about to be 'clubbed.' ...

A very well rounded anecdote that does not sound pithy, preachy or trite. It left this reader with those _homespun_ warm fuzzies and the thought that 'yes, I too can do the same next year.' General review notes: Mom's mastectomy as christmas trees ornaments feels like a real stretch, visually. Ornaments typically are round or of some molded shape where as tubes are, well, stringy and tubular. 'As usual, I opened the year’s stack of mail' - could use the possessive adj. MY...I read the line se...

'I'm sure at my autopsy, had those gills...' this sentence is very difficult to read and I am not sure where, how it should be repaired. Maybe: [I'm sure at my autopsy, upon cracking open my skull, they would have found my brain completely rotten, had those gills I attempted to operate onto my wrists took [taken], the corner] - the gills in wrists? Is this alluding to an attempted suicide - this sentence is very confusing. 'Here's one I had just that morning' - what morning? thoughts from 'la...

To begin I would edit down your ranking/ratings criteria. The URBIS elite would rather spend the time critiquing work that selecting random 1-10 rankings, many of which are redundant. The theme is trite and cliche. Publisher's today are inundated with submissions, most of which are really bad pieces about _love_. The subject does not stand out and the execution will land this one in the _not thank you pile_. Why? *grammatical errors: shifting tenses[L1=present while majority of poem is past t...

'feeling fortunate the[that] Diane lived just a few streets away.' 'She was fat and fifteen (today),' = very nice, lovely subtle touch. Nazarene? - I don't recall if any background was touched upon in earlier chapters, but maybe for the lazy reader touch upon some of the rule/rituals. I did google but only after 11 Chapters did I do so to get some sense of her fear & horror. PG11: I may not matter, but for some reason it bothered me that Brandon was gone and it had not been alluded to earlier...

Pg2: Lord? ::why the question marks? Is it to denote inflection? Just found it to be a trifling oddity in a prayer of supplication. Pg3: Nice phallic double entendre at play with the mic ::Ah ha, and glad to see the slip wasn't missed by Cathy. Pg4: Great backstory on Cathy and epitomizes well the simmering jealousy in brief detail. Pg5: Uhm? Okay...with the type of pet (tootles/doodles)name relationship going on here I find it highly unrealistic that a married couple, with one partner away o...

Pg10: I have said for a while when was Rod/Rob going to express some guilt, remorse, doubt, regret for his actions and this is a nice segue however...but hadn't they done it 'in hiding' before? Most of their liasons had been clandestine of sorts. Pg12: 'No wonder he don't see nothing in you' is she referring to Rob/Rod here? If so it implies a 'crush' and yet we know that she knows Rob/Rod is gay...I do know that girls will have crushes on their gay friends (this one certainly has) but Diane ...

“Let us rejoice and be glad!” [in it] - at least that is how I recall hearing it. Just an aside. 'first preview' - could probably drop the _first_, sounds redundant. Pg2: The desultory chaos of the procession is hilarious in its narrative simplicity. "bringing up the rear" - twice in two pages, one cannot miss the implied double entendre. Well done... triangle/stars - something about the singular/plural aspect of this similie bothered me. 'sang his verse:' - is it essential to be so specific ...

There are many elements that work beautifully in this poem. The lines are brief and emphatic so that the reader is not given too much to chew upon but just enough to vet out the visuals being rendered. Here are some turns of phrase I enjoyed: V1: Through fractured blinds Night etches out precious light Languish beneath ragged covers Seeking the sights and Sounds of strangers V2: Wistful eyes peeping Through a little crack A glimpse through barren trees V3: A clock with no hands to measure Dar...

I like the use of the repeating refrain which serves to bring the reader back to a vantage point above the action of the glacier. However, if one is going to repeat phrases make sure they are stellar sounding and original. "glide by...turning, dipping & watching" are all a bit pedantic and common so they don't add the poetic oomph needed in repetitive lines hinging verses together. tipping wings, spying, wheeling are some suggestions. The other observation is that each verse sounds a bit like...