Johnsienoel's profile Prolific-icon-large

Johnsienoel avatar
AGE: 39
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 05

crap crap crap  I had everything backed up but my novel chapters!!!!!!!
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Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Version 1
13 Reviews   14 Comments
Wheeling east towards Route ‘09 I try to remember what passions had lain westerly like beautiful black ribbons of road to be journeyed upon. Wink-eyed concentration I ascertain the horizon’s scale, forefinger and thumb pinch upon my destination the December moon veiled in her moody glow. While the Red Kettle keepers' bells ring silent I make lassos out of moonbeams to swing aloft, re-map my route and harness the magic of yet another new year.
Ratings & Rankings
 Plus-button Clarity
Poetry / Freudian Quip
Version 1
1 Review   9 Comments
Queerest folk, the lot we are, all hidden in our disguise. Trying to hide, I told Myself, the Me that I despise. Me, Myself and I think not that I, myself, is me. Its queer we think as three in one and all so differently.  
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review   5 Comments
Meddling after midnight, colluding in the dark, conspiracies and travesties play vice to my lonely heart.  
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review   8 Comments
Jaded girl Belle traces heart shapes peeling Magnolia with mute gravitation skin to skin votively treading storied names across distanced palms Wormed wood clenches gnarled words carved swollen by a dewy whisper Beau takes Belle her ashen cinders cool disquietude copulatory limbs entwine twisted kicks lick ardent embers Red-tails pitch and wheel above conjectured carnage Blustering Beau's hewing blows etch tree flesh anew debasement lies new wounds sap a bitter elixir masking their evide...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Brewing steadily The journey long And charged I swilled back mellow Amber crafted swigs Of Shiner Bock upon your couch A stranger in your ‘No Country for Old Men’ Cormac McCarthy infused room For two months we tripped Through the portals of seduction Carefully crafted conversations That engaged us through the Predawn hours Never sexual but intimate As we unpacked and repacked Each others emotional baggage Seeing you for the first time Abandoned hope hung heavy Like the wooden han...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Novel Treatments / The Lambent Light: Chapter 7
This still remains as the unparalleled piece of literature on URBIS. The transitions work well with or without the little houses. Page 3: Narrative about Carl contemplating the facade makes it sound like he is going to end up painting it. The aside about the door might be sufficient entre into his ruminating disgust at his new job. 'The men had run' - could probably strike this since we already know the men did the slap-shot renovations within this paragraph. 'pig-giggle' = description doesn'...
Only you M, only you! I had to crank out one more review before I sign off for the year. This is hilarious and true to your perverse and seedy side while still maintaining likability and a semblance of innocence. 'past soft powder' - this is the only phrase I really question just from an image logic perspective, since packed powder is needed to build a _snow babe_ especially one that will withstand the _blue ball gyrations_ 'And as my dimpled' - must this line begin with a conjunction? I have...
An interesting concept and twist - making the sociopath a female. It was a nice denouement that was completely unexpected. However, I think it would be far more poignant if she killed those that teased/bullied/broke HER heart _rather_ than the heart of her friends. Make her _fucking_ crazy as shit dude from all she suffered at the hands of adolescence. The sympathy card (ie. I am doing this to vindicate a friend) doesn't play well here. How old is David? If he was Mr. Popularity Richy Rich bo...
Novel Treatments / HEADLESS CHICKEN(CH.9)
'clothes piled at my feet, I worked myself' - I get the visual here but clothes piled sounds like there is more than just jeans and boxers wrapped around James' ankles as he is doing the one-hand herky-jerky. 'mucus clicking in this throat' = this/his typo? The only other observation is formatting: _italics_ in previous chapters indicated a flashback and that is missing here unless I am not keeping pace with timeframes from chapter to chapter. 'Sounds' - nice way to wrap the backstory to the ...
'lapping up the nougat' - lapping suggests something liquidy _image logic_ and although nougat does have viscosity I am thinking just a simple licking action might work better here. 'Tampax on the table' - Is she in the foodie cart? It has been a bit since I rode the 'TUBE' but I don't remember tables on the daily commuters. 'The junkie type' - OH come on now! Why worry about 'type' casting. Out him and call the haggard what he is. _lose the type_ maybe? marshmallows? What kina mallows you Br...