Jodie's profile

Jodie avatar
AGE: 20
LOC: Cedar City, UT
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: March 30

http://robinc-doodlebug.blogspot.com/

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Items
Poetry / St. Kitts
Version 1
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In St. Kitts, this never happened, except when Kim ran too fast, Padded feet upon the packed earth, shoulder nicked my face, That's really all, I think, The only other time my nose has bled like a faucet. Mama "The air is different in Denver, darling, St. Kitts had the water you needed," And the snow will burn your lungs at recess, so if your nose Bleeds, stay in, stuff it up with tissue, And sit quietly. This never happened in St. Kitts.
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Novel Treatments / Specific Sequence
Version 1
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Mr. Edward M. Richards, The circumstances surrounding the deaths of certain people are so calculated and precise it leads one to believe that nothing could have been done in prevention. Examples being the exact placement of the ice and the split second delay of the metro line that you collided with, and also the infinite urban legends about the man and the rebar. No matter, it will be explained in detail soon enough. The truth in this matter is that actions can and will be taken, specifically...
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Flash Fiction / Interpretor
Version 1
10 Reviews   1 Comment
The girl's family watched through the glass door as the surgeon explained to Anya how she had died. The mother's sari, a brilliant red with gold detailing, was not her own. The man's new shoes were not his, and the girl's older brother was playing a Gameboy, all purchased over the last three weeks by the Children's Outreach Program. They appeared bored, tired, and numb to the culture shock they'd experienced. Anya had only heard grant application summaries of their story; Mother and father st...
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Poetry / Migraine
Version 1
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I wake up at the dead hour: 3AM. Not even the dog twitches when I vomit, resting my forehead on the seat. Gagless, soft drain of nausea. Weak. The first migraine since Winter came, drafting my floors cold, cold enough to stop the sick, long enough for an atheist's prayer, if you You, can make this stop, I will go gently into that good night. I will go gently. Please. But the rooting, pupil dilating, hemisphere splitting, seizure inducing, jaw grinding pain gently holds on. Gently licks my bra...
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Haiku/Senryu / The Truth About Haiku
Version 1
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My friend's dog ate a used tampon yesterday night her stomach was pumped I cannot watch a Red Hot Chili Peppers video without getting hot Rain soaked cardboard in the alley dumpster I drop my bottle oh damn My brother watches Aronofsky and porn together, always You should be home now I'm forgetting the sour taste your mouth, sparked to life Use the tip of a cheap knife, slight pressure on glass to fuck up windshield Drink green tea blacker than coffee run faster than flood water down south Ev...
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Reviews
Novel Treatments / Home
Of course this treatment is going to attract comparisons to the dialect Twain presented in Huck Finn - but I'm not sure that the vernacular is absolutely necessary to the story. There were times I tuned out and lost major plot points. The reader shouldn't have to work too hard; it turns people off faster than a cold shower. That said, you did a wonderful job remaining consistent throughout the story with your word choice and phonetic spelling. The story is interesting, somewhat cliche for an ...
Poetry / Manda Mounde
Second stanza is far stronger than the first. You almost lost me in the cliches in the first stanza. The last line is priceless, focus on the theme of ever returning and failure. Expand on your last four to five lines - that's where your strength lies.
This would make a good song. To make it a GREAT song, add more concrete images (i.e. notch on the bedpost, the unique theme of an arms dealer within an arms race). Think about how you can tell someone these emotions in a completely new way. Avoid cliche, like heart on a sleeve, scars, regret. Use metaphor to create brand new images. That's what Fall Out Boy is really good at, and it takes their music above your average, crappy garage emo band.
Poetry / Just Words
Your message is powerful and I understand what you're trying to say. However, it doesn't work well as poetry. A lot of words are unnecessary. For another draft, I'd print it out and simply cross words out. If you can't come up with a very compelling reason for a word to be there, cross it out. Minimalist.
Poetry / Vivid Hopes
There are no concrete images in this entire poem. The emotions are too broad, too vague. I feel like there's nothing to latch onto, nothing too memorable.
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