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Jimmykoksferhans's profile
AGE:
33
LOC: Bridgeport, WV
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 24
LOC: Bridgeport, WV
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 24
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I live in a world of quantities and this world does less to keep coffee singles that make me alert come in fresh and warm boxes of 19 and I'm livid and charcoal is sold in 26.2 hot pound bags
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The sky was slate gray and unwelcoming. I yawned as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, amazed that I was getting up this early. I mean, it wasn't even 11:00 am yet. A record for me in my stint here in WV. And one thing only could get me up and out of my den of a bed that early---the Salem Apple Butter Festival pie-baking contest. Knowing that I had to have my pie in Salem by 3:00 pm, I knew that I had a huge amount of work to do. And in order to create a pie that was up to winning standards too...
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7 Reviews
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I remember as a child rising from bed at 4 am and drinking water from the faucet because I was so thirsty
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Hello---I 'd have to say my subjective issues with your poem rooted themselves in phrasing mostly---I'm typically very against any rules in form and phrasing, mind you---but there were passages that seemed a little bit hard on the old tongue, namely: Though love and man did jade and turn, you gamble to advance, but forward? A chance would take to beauty feel on whim, makes the novice less a coward. Unless that was an intentional turn towards the rocky meter, it seemed to be a little bit unset...
Honestly, I like this poem, as it reminds me o the first time I heard the Beach Boys Smile bootlegs, way before Brian Wilson re-recorded the record. There was such a sense of high-minded mystery about it, yet you could enjoy it as pop music, or however you wanted to, really. This poem lleft me with the same impression. Unless I'm missing something completely obvious, which is possible, it seems like you could have done something a little more elaborate with the actual form of said poem. Again...
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