Jimmel104's profile

Jimmel104 avatar
AGE: 68
LOC: Flower Mound, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 19

Funny how you can have plans and then in a matter of moments, not even minutes, they are gone. Thoughts vaporized, ideas dashed. No, not funny;life. Life happens. We are only in control as life allows us to be. And we are only here for a moment.
And in the end, that is enough. For this is why we have memories.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Poetry / Watching
Version 1
10 Reviews   7 Comments
watching in my mind as you open sleepy eyes a little yawn and blinking at the light a stretch to start your day rolling to your side and legs slip off the bed to set yourself aright remove the stiffness of the night Wishing I was there to hug you one more time knowing that I can't and may never have that time pj's on the floor stepping in to get your shower I see the beauty of your legs the promise of your flower arms above your head and water flowing down touching parts of you where I would ...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / CLOTH
Version 1
11 Reviews   11 Comments
what isn't said screams volumes wretching pain from blackness dealing death to lights hope no thing has meaning; understanding impossible grinding etching a crimson line around a twice beat heart knife stretching where words did not feelings bared, heart cold not even wool can warm
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Rain Dance
Version 2
12 Reviews   14 Comments
  After the autumn rain sitting alone on the deck Chickadees fussing in the willow tree. Blue jays, their raspy calls while chasing squirrels from the feeders. Hummingbird skittering back and forth trying to decide which late blossom to skewer. Red headed woodpecker dangling from the wire mesh holding suet; prying loose a seed from peanut butter. Sun still hot over the trees, sweat sparkles on my forehead. Sweet thoughts of you dance with the birds in the treetops.  
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / Rain Dance
Version 1
1 Review   2 Comments
  After the autumn rain sitting alone on the deck Chickadees fussing in the willow tree. Blue jays and their raspy calls chasing squirrels from the feeders. Hummingbird skittering back and forth trying to decide which late blossom to skewer. Red headed woodpecker dangling from the wire mesh holding suet; prying loose a seed from the peanut butter. Sun still hot over the trees and sweat sparkles on my forehead. Sweet thoughts of you dance with the birds in the treetops.  
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Halo
Version 1
6 Reviews   0 Comments
Halo’s of gossamer colors wrapped themselves around my moon belying the faint darkness creeping skyward from the horizon. I float restlessly on the gentle waves with a heart full of love waiting patiently for the fullness of her beauty to be revealed. The creeping darkness swells quietly, stealthily, with evil intent Climbing higher in the sky on the distant horizon. How beautiful are the colors that stir my heart with the passion of years of lost love creating a yearning that i...
Ratings & Rankings
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Reviews
Poetry / The Serial Lover
This is a lovely poem. With the background of your notes this piece blossoms as I read it and follows what you explained precisely. Without putting thoughts in your brain so to speak (lol) I am guessing that you had a sense that your work wouldn't be understood without them. What I am asking myself is…If your note wasn’t there would this work be as clear to me as it was when I read it with them? Overall, the answer is yes, EXCEPT: her innocence. Had I not been told she is a fallen angel I don...
Humor/Satire / The Sandwich
Well,your note puts the poor reviewer in a bit of a pickle. On the one hand if he enjoys the piece then he won't have any serious constructive criticism and thus render himself open to a refund request. He will however be deemed a pillar of the written word as defined by the Writers Digest Writing Competition, Genre division. On the other hand if he does not like this offering he is put in the position of not being able to recognize high quality humor/satire as defined by the WDWC. Since I am...
Poetry / Pyrrhus
Powerful. Very nice word usage "egos fight like angry lions". Perhaps rushed a bit through the evolutionary chain to our demise. Include a bit of the slime from whence we came, etc. and a bit of the gore (war) once human beings came onto the stage. Just a thought. Nice work here.
Short Story / Toxic Desires
Technical stuff: The romance scene moved a bit quickly after the concert. Would like for it to have been developed a bit more. Another rapid transition. Makes it a bit disconcerting. I had to read it twice to understand that this was an entirely different scene. "Her cruelty to him made him only love her more. “Aurelio! Hi!” Lucy said picking up her mobile phone. " Awkward phrase: "Dolores stood in the just in front of them" Repeated descriptive word for Lucy: "nymph" "shivered feeling ever h...
Poetry / I Am My Own
Nice continuity. It has a beginning, middle and end. It is easy for the reader to follow. Couple of thought to tighten it up a bit. L1 - eliminate "ever" L6 - You started the "I am" lead off, keep it up -I am 220...... L10-12 These are fine as you shifted from "I" to "My" L13 - Lose the comma L15 - what about an "!" to add force to this statement as you build to a close. And maybe change your structure just a bit for the close Example: A singular brick Leaving a stain on the surface of a worl...