I loved this piece. I got so caught up in it that I was surprised to come to the ending so quick! I think the wings part comes out of nowhere, but that could easily be solved by the voice mentioning the wings. I'd love to read this if you expand it! The ending, the prints on the window was awesome.

I liked this piece a lot! The parallel between the doll and the person is awesome. I think it could be better though if you hinted at it, instead of pointed it out. Also though I liked the story I think it could be made a lot better with examples. Examples of conflicts with the step mom, and with things she did wrong would help out. Like when she was getting hugged and tears were running down her face. I loved that part.

The voice or narrator I found rather enjoyable. I thought those aprts were rather well written. The transitions didn't lose me, but it made it very hard to understand. I can understand jumping back and forth as it's my favorite way to tell or read a story, but at the sametime it has to be done without confusions. I think it really takes away and would like to know why you it has to be done this way.

Ok this is odd cause I've actaully had someone steal all my dimes before! I loved the way you wrote this piece. Especailly the part where you were like, "OKay that's not true" So completely in character of someone who does steal. The line that went "I didn’t mean to… nothing " really messed me up and I had to keep re-reading it. I'd see about changing it so it flows better.

First off can't wait to see where this goes. I actually liked the way you described the snow in the first part, it was long, but it was much like one who'd had to go through it would describe it. THe people track comment struck me as odd, but as I read on it seemed fitting to the character. The guy why was he striking? Describe his face since thats what she noticed so much. I love the conversation between the mom and Delia. It catches a mother/daugther relationship very well. THe part she rec...

The seventh line down seems to be missing the word way. I think it flows really well and love the description of the tree analogy at the begining. There is so much truth in theis piece. I didn't get the trapped like a fence. I don't know it just didn't seem to fit to me. Also at the end when you talk about this being the only world that you know I was thinking back to the part with the dream of queens and kings. COuld there be a tie in here?

The section that begins with the pillow doesn't seem to flow as well. I kept waiting for there you are there and I am here. The first two descriptions of seeing the face in the moon and drinking the wine to taste the lips are excellent! I would suggest trying to tie the pillow into that as well. That section just doesn't paint the picture--perhaps you could talk about wanting to touch the skin so soft and turning to the pillow. It's there already the picture just isn't as clearly painted in t...

In the fourth line under the Young Boy there is a floating comma...the for before the comma also seems to be out of place. The last section seems out of the blue. There is no tie in to the rest of the poem. Instead of telling what is learned, show us through the actual poem.

I know this was just venting, but there doesn't seem to be much to connect the reader to the plot. There needs to be more details. Even though we don't know that the Coach has the guy in the begining you can tell more of the story through conversation with the cops. Let the guy flashback to conversations with the missing guy or have the cops ask specific questions. Also how does the military background tie in? A lot of people have military back grounds, but that wouldn't be a point the cops w...