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Jelissa_Jones's profile
AGE:
27
LOC: West Des Moines, IA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 15
LOC: West Des Moines, IA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 15
Hey everyone I write whatever my pen or keyboard types out.
My favorite piece on here is Garbage. Check it out if you can. I’d love to be published one day. I mean who wouldn’t right? Yet, I write mainly because it helps me get through this crazy roller coaster that we all call life.
Everything I have is fairly new as about 6 months ago I burnt almost everything I’ve ever written. A cleansing experiement that helped me be able to forget past hurts.
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That night as he turned on the computer at home the card still seemed to hum in his pocket. It was a constant thought, nagging at him all day. Nothing seemed to replace it. He glanced at the sheets of inventory he’d meant to enter in the database, but instead found himself on the login page to his email. A hell yeah went through his mind as he saw her name in his inbox. He wasted no time clicking on the message and by the end his mind was made up. Even though it felt like he was risking a dea...
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Let this be a lesson to myself, Kate thought, as she watched yet another possible roommate walk down the stairs. She laughed at the thought. “A possible roommate for Barnum and Bailey perhaps,” Kate muttered as the man walked his invisible dog, away from her apartment. Granted, she had taken out an ad in the daily that called for “A quirky and adaptable roommate” but she hadn’t known that it would be translated into “calling all freaks.” She closed her eyes, massaging her temples, willing the...
Version 1
11 Reviews
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As I pull into my driveway my mind leaps ahead to the beer I slid into the fridge a few hours ago. I can imagine the cool bottle in my hand and the liquid cooling my throat while warming my insides. Fridays, why people love them is beyond me. Everything goes wrong on Fridays. Today the phone system crashed twice, anyone who knew anything on how to fix it was on vacation, and finally the sprinkler system went off for no apparent reason. Opening the door I kicked my heels off toward the pile of...
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12 Reviews
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CHAPTER 2 (8 Months Prior) Listening to my boss drone on and on about what we weren’t doing as a team I found it hard not to laugh when my phone started vibrating in my pocket. Damn Missy and her constant text messages. I hated text messaging. All my messages were short or pre-programmed into the phone. It took way too long for me to type out a god damn message. Missy was the queen of text messaging. Throughout the week I got a good 100 messages from her. Sometimes I wondered if she could sen...
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3 Reviews
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He told me once that my writing was elementary and that I might consider giving it up. Laying there in the twisted sheets, our limbs so entwined that it was hard to tell they were ever separate, his dark eyes were serious and frown lines carved into his forehead as he spoke. The air grew still as neither of us spoke. With anyone else, I would have been furious, but with him, I found it hard. I barely moved though, his words not sparking a passion as I continued with my task. I stopped for a m...
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Reviews
First off can't wait to see where this goes. I actually liked the way you described the snow in the first part, it was long, but it was much like one who'd had to go through it would describe it. THe people track comment struck me as odd, but as I read on it seemed fitting to the character. The guy why was he striking? Describe his face since thats what she noticed so much. I love the conversation between the mom and Delia. It catches a mother/daugther relationship very well. THe part she rec...
Ok this is odd cause I've actaully had someone steal all my dimes before! I loved the way you wrote this piece. Especailly the part where you were like, "OKay that's not true" So completely in character of someone who does steal. The line that went "I didn’t mean to… nothing " really messed me up and I had to keep re-reading it. I'd see about changing it so it flows better.
The voice or narrator I found rather enjoyable. I thought those aprts were rather well written. The transitions didn't lose me, but it made it very hard to understand. I can understand jumping back and forth as it's my favorite way to tell or read a story, but at the sametime it has to be done without confusions. I think it really takes away and would like to know why you it has to be done this way.
I liked this piece a lot! The parallel between the doll and the person is awesome. I think it could be better though if you hinted at it, instead of pointed it out. Also though I liked the story I think it could be made a lot better with examples. Examples of conflicts with the step mom, and with things she did wrong would help out. Like when she was getting hugged and tears were running down her face. I loved that part.
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