Jeff0307's profile
AGE:
23
LOC: Bradenton, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 19
LOC: Bradenton, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 19
I have been writing poetry for myself since I was a teenager.
~~~
Poetry is one of my favorite forms of self expression, but I consider it more of a hobby than anything else.
~~~
Writing helps me think about how I really feel and also helps me to meditate on what I find to be influential.
~~~
I love any criticism that aids in my becoming a better writer, which is my goal here.
Items
Version 4
4 Reviews
0 Comments
These dauntless lines I write so fine To let you know I feel you there I know you’re scared and unprepared- For what life wants to bring you. Please know there’s someone that relates It’s just I’m trapped outside these gates These walls which you’ve constructed- They leave me no other choice. March on, be strong, its not so long Waiting to sing with your heart a new song Knowing that when we’re there I will tear- All your fears away. But until tha...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
When time is spent What is it that remains? The hours of the day Have a beginning, an end. This world is not perpetual, So when the mountains shake And the earth swells, What shall remain? When the sun is exhausted And the earth is depleted, What is it that endures? Anger and envy burn out; But does love fade? When hatred attains it's desire, Does it not abate? When love consummates, Does it not last forever? Does selfishness abide in love? Or can greed Make its home with benevolence? So wh...
Version 3
2 Reviews
0 Comments
These dauntless lines I write so fine To let you know I feel you there I know you're scared and unprepared- Of what life wants to bring you. Please know there's someone that relates It's just I'm trapped outside these gates These walls which you've constructed- They leave me no other choice. Keep marching on and do be strong It's not so hard to wait so long Know that when we're there I will tear- All those fears away. But until that time, my dear old friend You'll have to wait behind closed g...
Version 2
11 Reviews
13 Comments
These dauntless lines I write so fine To let you know I feel you there I know you're scared and unprepared- Of what life wants to bring you. Just know there's someone that relates It's just I'm trapped outside these gates These walls which you constructed- They leave me no other choice. Keep marching on and do be strong It's not so hard to wait so long Just know that when we're there I will tear- All those fears away. But until that time, my dear old friend You'll have to wait behind closed g...
Version 9
17 Reviews
17 Comments
All men escape the Day to behold the stars; Engulfed in darkness, their souls afire. Tranquilly saints lay as hopes aspire, While quiet close whispers provoke to inspire. To the spire of thought, fortunes You brought. These fortunes untold, which by few are sought. Somehow, by even less are found; Yet here few stand, feet bold to ground. Leaving what's sacred men seek rest; Lest in exhaustion they overcome, Lest in haste they revoke undone. Muggins, like moths are drawn to stale nights, Stale...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
You could definitely say it was syrupy or extremely rich. You said in your notes it was intentional, but I'm not sure if it worked well enough for this piece in the end. I can definitely tell you have talent and an excellent grasp of the English language, though. It's just a little "too" sweet for my taste.
Not a bad attempt at a haiku. I'm not sure what the stick is doing in his hand. Is this perhaps a cane or walking stick? Maybe using cane would better if that's the case.
This reads more like a novel than poetry, I like that. It's creative and original. Thanks for the read.
I'm going to guess that English is not your first language. With that I mind it's not bad.
The voice and tone is very clear and consistent. Kind of an eerie coldness. Very sad poem and filled with angst, very apparently expressed. I enjoyed the visuals you attached with your words, they brought the poem to life for me. Some parts were vague and I had trouble understanding the intetion.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People















