Jeff0307's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Bradenton, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 01
LOC: Bradenton, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 01
I have been writing poetry for myself since I was a teenager.
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Poetry is one of my favorite forms of self expression, but I consider it more of a hobby than anything else.
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Writing helps me think about how I really feel and also helps me to meditate on what I find to be influential.
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I love any criticism that aids in my becoming a better writer, which is my goal here.
Items
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Imperfection under a maple-sweet sky of perfection Sugar-lust hands reject wisdom and deny discretion Abhorring hidden knowledge never taught in college While forbidden sins are soaked in by men & women. The blind lead the blind on a road paved in destruction Nation takes arms against Nation, content in condemnation Brother rises against brother and daughter against mother Each seeking their own selfish means of power and pleasure
Version 3
2 Reviews
0 Comments
These dauntless lines I write so fine To let you know I feel you there I know you're scared and unprepared- Of what life wants to bring you. Please know there's someone that relates It's just I'm trapped outside these gates These walls which you've constructed- They leave me no other choice. Keep marching on and do be strong It's not so hard to wait so long Know that when we're there I will tear- All those fears away. But until that time, my dear old friend You'll have to wait behind closed g...
Version 2
11 Reviews
13 Comments
These dauntless lines I write so fine To let you know I feel you there I know you're scared and unprepared- Of what life wants to bring you. Just know there's someone that relates It's just I'm trapped outside these gates These walls which you constructed- They leave me no other choice. Keep marching on and do be strong It's not so hard to wait so long Just know that when we're there I will tear- All those fears away. But until that time, my dear old friend You'll have to wait behind closed g...
Version 9
15 Reviews
16 Comments
All men escape the Day to behold the stars; Engulfed in darkness, their souls afire. Tranquilly saints lay as hopes aspire, While quiet close whispers provoke to inspire. To the spire of thought, fortunes You brought. These fortunes untold, which by few are sought. Somehow, by even less are found; Yet here few stand, feet bold to ground. Leaving what's sacred men seek rest; Lest in exhaustion they overcome, Lest in haste they revoke undone. Muggins, like moths are drawn to stale nights, Stale...
Version 1
3 Reviews
4 Comments
Liquid dreams seep through seams, Leaving frames and covering stains. What once was can no longer be, And what can be has always been. Tired eyes open to see through lies, Beholding new life and letting go of old strife. What once was can no longer be, As liquid dreams form new reality. What can be shaped, will be formed anew. A silver star amid dark blue; This is how I see these scars you left, Burning and yearning within my flesh. Yet these liquid dreams seep through seams, Melting through ...
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Reviews
I liked it. It was like turning on a blender of emotions. Strangely enough I can relate to alot of what you are expressing. The only part I didn't like was the first line, but then again I don't really have a great idea to change it, maybe lust instead of lick? By lick are implying taste or something more sensual?
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Ok so, I'm not ashamed to admit I had to look up 50% of the words you used in this one. Having done this, I began to wonder if there was any point to using the words you did in such a small amount of space. My conclusion: "No." I kind of felt like you wrote this poem with, "how many comepletely obscure words can I fit into less than a 100 word 'poem?'" in mind.
I definitely enjoyed reading your story. I do have a few suggestions, though. Perhaps developing the sadness or sense of loss from having lost an entire home planet could have been expressed with greater impact. I didn't really feel the sense of devastation in your story. I also wish that you would have developed the overall appearance of the characters as well as this newly demolished planet Nio. I wanted to feel more familiar and intimate with the characters and story in this way. You defin...
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