Jeannine's profile

Jeannine avatar
AGE: 32
LOC: Germany
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 14

Uhm, I don’t know what to say… Isn’t this a bit like writing your own epitaph…? Oh well, I am kinda weird, actually I am quite nuts but hey, who cares? I am a mother, a fiancée, a daughter, a sister, a babysitter, a cook, a cleaning lady, an aspiring writer, a business woman on the way out, a make-up artist, a best friend, a psychopath, a psychologist (at least it feels like it quite often), a shoulder to lean on, a dreamer, an optimist, a pessimist, an eccentric, easy going, difficult, a moody cow, loyal, trustworthy, trusting (sometimes too much) and so much more.
I write, because quite often it is the only way I can express my feelings.
There is of course singing but people tend to look at me as if I were deranged when I sudden…

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Items
Version 5
4 Reviews   0 Comments
Prologue How long have I been lying here? And where am I? It is dark,or wait, are my eyes open? I'm cold. The ground is hard and wet and cold, ice maybe? Something smells strange, something is burning, somewhere. Fire, yes there was fire, coming right at me. I have to get away! The mountains, they stopped and there was nothing, nowhere to go... I jumped and then... nothing... Why is it so dark? Footsteps, I think I can hear footsteps...         “Memi, ...
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Poetry / Side Effects
Version 1
3 Reviews   3 Comments
Flat huffs and lazy beats I am twitching in my icicle skin Addled in asthenia I find myself somewhere up in the clouds Then veiled in darkness I lay A sudden pressure, a sense of vile Violent relief on both sides and the hunger dissipates Ants are crawling on the fiery planes of my body The world is spinning around me The pounding on ivory sings me to sleep  where I am perched on a pillow of deprivation What did I say?  
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Poetry / Little Monster
Version 1
4 Reviews   0 Comments
 A Smile, a hug, a tender kiss Is all I need to make my day. I sometimes wonder what it is, that makes you special in that way.   You drive me nuts, you drive me crazy, when you don’t listen, you don’t care You trash you room and you are lazy don’t brush your teeth and knot your hair   But most of all you make me love you with the simplest, strangest things. Like when you took laces from your shoe pretended they were guitar strings   Or when you sing you...
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Poetry / Today I Cry
Version 1
2 Reviews   1 Comment
Today I Cry Accepting the inevitable Coming to terms My life did not turn out To be As I planned It Betrayed my dreams Today I cry Saying goodbye to a life Unsure of another Not knowing what is To come To an understanding With What has to happen Today I cry I cry away my old life My old dreams My expectations And cautiously tread a new path Where will it lead me? What will it bring? Not knowing – Today I cry
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Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Meaningless Banter
Version 1
4 Reviews   2 Comments
I have so often intended to sit down and write a response to your accumulating messages and as often found myself making excuses for not doing so. "Why?",I ask myself. Maybe it is because I feel that you could actually "get me", grasp what is behind all my "seemingly random babble" and I guess in a way, that scares me. Maybe it is because I find it very difficult to keep my thoughts strung together in an at least vaguely linear pattern that will allow me to make some sense of them. I sit here...
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Reviews
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / De Colores.
Over-intellectualized, self-indulgent and rather disturbing. It lacks coherency and is difficult to read. You have paraphrase chasing paraphrase, you change pov a number of times and sentences like "You make it impossible to love you for you because you sugarcoat everything." have just too many words in it. The "for you" is like a stumbling block the reader falls over. Sometimes you can gain meaning by omitting: "You make it impossible to love you because you sugarcoat everything" This reads ...
Poetry / If a man!
Locked
Poetry / The Fray
Locked
Novel Treatments / Prisoners
Vivid imagery and eloquent use of language although at times bordering on self-indulgence. You should be careful that you don't become too abstract in your descriptions as your your reader might get lost in a sea of idioms and paraphrases. However, I would definitely want to find out what this was about but maybe, as a treatment it needs to be a bit more coherent, less fragmented? Overall, I think this is well done.
Poetry / Sentimental
Your story is something I can relate to and I am certain many others can, too. Here are just a few things to think about: I would probably omit the "for once" and say just "Listen to me" - better flow. "Waiting for the breeze to cease" sounds a little corny. Maybe "Waiting for the breeze to cede" would work better? In the sense of you hoping the wind relinquishing control over the situation and letting you "light the way" out of darkness for here? "We mollify the end result" made me stop the ...