JeanJefferies's profile
AGE:
33
LOC: Homosassa, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 25
LOC: Homosassa, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 25
What can I say without locking myself into a mold. I’m a paradox on all levels.
Items
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
“Here we are, you sure you’re up for this?” Cliff looked over at his nephew before climbing out of the small, rusty, Toyota pick-up truck, which liked to shake and burp as the engine was shut off.
<!--StartFragment--> Terry let the truck complete its death rattle in the driveway before he climbed out. The hot morning breeze lifted his dingy mullet. He grabbed a pair of dark sunglasses from the collar of his stained t-shirt and pla...
Novel Treatments
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1/3 virtual heaven. posting for interest not points but if you could finish this review, wow! Meg...
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
<!--StartFragment--> “Friendship should be maintained without any presumption on the ground of one's superior age, or station, or the circumstances of his relatives. Friendship with a man is friendship with his virtues, and does not admit assumptions of superiority.” - Teachings of Confucius <!--EndFragment--> Chapter One: Friday, June, 7th 2008 4:43p.m. <!--StartFragment--> &n...
Version 3
3 Reviews
7 Comments
Hello Ms. Einstein, My story Virtual Heaven would be enjoyed by readers between the age of seven to one-hundred and seven. My intention was to polish it up a bit more before submitting. I send this now because A) I believe it is commercially viable and solely unique B) I have a fascination with Einstein, and since completing the first draft of VH, well over a year ago, I have come to believe in signs and fate. VH is roughly 75,000 words. It is a blend of, The Firm meets The Matrix, laced with...
Version 1
4 Reviews
2 Comments
“Choosing the correct pet is a difficult process. The animal will be spending the entire course of its life with you and your family. They provide loyalty, entertainment, and loads of love.” The salesman said. “All they require is attention and basic upkeep.” He spoke to a younger couple who held hands as they looked into a massive cage. A glass wall comprised the front, the inside was white concrete, a bench ran along the wall, two trees had been planted near the center, and periodic rugs an...
Version 3
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Chapter One: Friday, June, 7th 2008 4:43p.m. Alex Cutler leaned over his desk; his fingers methodically attacked a keyboard. His dark hair hung level with his chin. Gently swaying, highlighting the focus in his eyes as he stared into the thin monitor before him. His office was average in size, offering a fifth floor view of neighboring parking lots and surrounding buildings that make up the northern edge of downtown Chicago. The walls of his office normally would be cluttered with local sport...
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Reviews
first i would like to just state for the record, that i is not very respectful to the reviewer for you to care so little for your work that you would post it ithout even giving it a once over for ediing purposes, im one sentense in and its obvious you just scribbled this out and posted, hard to believe any sober judge ave a story with words that should be omitted, not in a way of ones personal feeling but ones that just dont fit, honorable anything. With that said, onto the review, which im s...
warm and sticky like pancake syrup, this may just be ma, and it wrks as it is, but maybe you could cut "like pancake syrup" just because it seems kind of feminine when we are dealing with a bleeding human, also maybe "warm and adhesive," again these are just thrown out there for your judgement. I thinks its a good picture, and your getting it from someone whos been shot twice. I think you could show how the world is cold and impartial if you were to say something about how the coat added ple...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I would first of all suggest that if this is chapter 11 you give a tiny sentence or two summary of what has happened before, now I say this befoe I began reading so maybe it gets cleared up. well this kids daddy is right interacting with police in america is a disgrace nice! what a fun opening couple lines of a messed up mental man, nice job. if as the guy lays in bed he has slit his wrists, you may want to make it a little clearer. maybe add a clause about the burn or tear in his flesh, its ...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
The opening is strong and paints a great picture of a military man. You may want to consider swaping one of the names, greer and geerts, esp if you intend to use them throughout the book. there are a zillion names to choose from. Unless there is some significance in swapping one letter, you may want to adjust. Malloy informed Ryan. Ryan Pace you may want to make this a new line, if this is two peoples actons. Also I think you could go through and cut some of the name usages, if these two are ...
wonderful! bravo, was fun and true. Anyone who has used this site a while will relate so well. Thanks for quality
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