Javier's profile

Javier avatar
AGE: 20
LOC: Jackson, MO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 15

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Reviewer Stats
Items
Version 1
8 Reviews   4 Comments
Three $900 hours. Three. In a row. Thanks a lot Mr. Pennybags. God I hate monopoly. And McDonalds. Combined its sort of an exponential thing, and it's a good thing I payed attention in math class enough to know what exponential means, cause hopefully that will get me into college, and I'll never have to deal with that sort of bullshit ever again. It's really kind of amusing to me though, how I've worked a previous food job, and I came back for more, out of desperation really. I guess after a ...
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Lyrics / Peppermint
Version 1
12 Reviews   2 Comments
PEPPERMINT I had peppermint for breakfast, there was an inch of snow on the ground I thought I was infected, but I was the one infecting those around me I grew a year in a day, But even those who grow a year in a day Are not one second closer to god The growing pains that have grown rip me from the cradle And the snow streaks red And the world is a peppermint And 1 day later when the wrapper was discarded I was exposed 1 week later when the trash was taken away I was left behind 1 month later...
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Reviews
Interesting...Your words were very well chosen, although at times you got Yoda-ish. ____we will type sentences and all. I guess it's not a big deal, but it bothers me. I'm not sure why you used the phrase year of freaking horse. Either it's a very light expletive or the word freaking has some sort of signifigance. If thats the case, it could be made clearer either here or in one of your other chapters. (turn it into another character or something.) And speaking of characters, yours seems very...
Haiku/Senryu / A Walk At Dusk
At first I thought this about a church, and then in true haiku fashion, my presumptions were shattered. I like how the last line caught me off guard like that, definitely a clever turn-around.
Ha! I must say I admire your random questioning of the term combobulating. I think it really captures the confused state of...I dunno...Arousal? Love? Some lustful combination of the two? I like the organization of five distinct thoughts, it sort of helps it build.
Eh...This is so-so...It got better as it went along, but over all it was sort "rhyme, rhyme, rhyme." The concept is interesting, but I think you could do more with it and convey your ideas in a more powerful way. Like the loss of faith. I think thats a little more complicated of a feeling than just, " I dont think God would fill my cup (because I've lost my faith) ya know? Keep working.
Haiku/Senryu / SHIZEN NO KAMAE
Um...Huh? I guess I can sort of dig a meaning out of this, like the Shinobi have become useless or the blind men were wiser after all...The notes for the reviewer were equally confusing...Well...This will keep me thinking, and thats a good thing so good job.
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