JIOden's profile

AGE: 38
LOC: Tucson, AZ
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: May 24

I am a writer with a passion for expression in multiple genres. I hope to network with, and meet others who, like myself, adore the art of writing. I do not get online daily, so I won’t always be up to date on requested reviews. I apologize for the time lapses, but as I share this computer, and work lots of hours, I don’t live online as some do.
I hope that I can meet persons here who will have constructive and valuable insights into my offerings.
I will close reviews once I hit more than 10 on my book series chapters until I get things redrafted. I will post redrafted things as I get a chance. Thank you for any insight into my work I receive.
JIOden

Show

Item Stats

Show

Reviewer Stats

Items

Version 1

14 Reviews 8 Comments

CHAPTER 3 Parrel Zierfa had gained skills in politics since coming to Alephin Nine. He had come to get Chasstra Critch into the Coalition three years ago. The feline had become used to strange things since his arrival. Parrel thought about his time on the artificial world. He had needed to adjust to engineering that could build such a place. Seeing huge tubes set on pillars had awed him at first. Learning that they connected special atmosphere species to quarters in different parts of the cit...

Talent - Overall

Sci Fi & Fantasy - Overall

Version 1

17 Reviews 2 Comments

Play the expected roles or never fit in Society's high-and-mighty command Must be followed until the very end Can't dispute socially prescribed Politically correct endeavors of the modern man That's why I keep having troubles Because I never fit in Apathetic force of bad habits cut like splintered shards It's become a living, mind twisting, hard-wired reaction To everybody else's actions that is tearing me apart Society's condemnation leaves me reeling, yet I keep on feeling Through this mass...

Talent - Overall

Lyrics - Overall

Version 1

17 Reviews 3 Comments

FEEDING THE MYTH CHORUS: Both are holding onto hopes, and clinging to distorted dreams that keep them moving along. Can't find the real thing 'cause They're feeding the myth they were raised on. Their sighs are filled with whispered longings that escape their lips as softly as feathers drop. Both dreaming of romantic happy ever afters while friends talk. Through high school halls, with others they absently walk. She turns her eyes heaven-ward wishing upon hidden stars that she'll be granted l...

Talent - Overall

Lyrics - Overall

Version 2

9 Reviews 1 Comment

I reside within an internal dream world made in shades of gray. My world contains four rooms where I keep myself locked away. Love is almost alien here because there's so desolation and decay. The first room contains twisted reasoning that cuts like finely honed knives. No one ever visits here without willing forfeiture of their lives. The remains of a shattered heart abide here, must have been overlooked by that thief. Poisoned wounds inflicted long ago have thrived here as the foundation of...

Talent - Overall

Lyrics - Overall

Version 1

13 Reviews 8 Comments

Chapter 2 Second father was waiting at the trail head when the pair reached its end. “ArTrevenol, I’m so sorry. I got expelled again,” she burst out as they entered hearing range. The tall, dark copper skinned man nodded in reply. His jet black, shoulder length hair waved in the stiff breeze. “So, I heard.” He pulled some leaves out of her hair with his large, long-fingered hands. “I see you were climbing trees again. I hope you had sense enough to refrain from doing so during the storm. You ...

Talent - Overall

create a convincing alternate reality and interesting plot and characters so that my novel will be published

Sci Fi & Fantasy - Overall

[ View all items ]

Reviews

by kadiya

I like the concept you have designed at first glance. I do think that it might have added strength if you have the traveler, and the crafts person at the kiln separated out from each other so the reader understands the difference in time line. I had to do a strong mental adjustment twice as I read this, once when the traveler is mentioned as a current scene in the center of the other scene, and then I got muddled for a split second. Having the jump back to the Kiln scene from the vanishing tr...

by lluuiiissaa

This is an intense, and potentially powerfully driven story line. There is a need to do research however to make this story meet the expectation of the overall feeling that can be brought to light in this piece. Because you mention police reports etc, you truly need to follow up and investigate police procedures so that you can make this case more honest in it's intention. The sense that the boy tries to commit suicide, which you also forgot to follow up with, needs some stronger expansion to...

by liveon2legs

I like your topic of choice as it has a strong merit for attracting and keeping a person's attention based upon everyone's dream of being loved by their perfect some one. The fact that it comes from an elderly man whop obviously is educated and well versed in life makes it even more intriguing overall. I do suggest that you read this piece out loud to yourself as if reading to a child to find the more awkward passages you have in the overall context. It will allow you to see where you can cor...

by derekosborne

I find the topic of this story has potential, but feel that you have too many redundant criteria listed. Having one of the following: desire to get published, or published in literary magazine would be more effective than having so many similar criteria about publishing overall. Attract agent/Publisher is the second one to list, and short story over all as third and final criteria will make readership more inclined to positive feed back I have found as an author on Urbis. Having too many crit...

by AlexSDS

I found this piece hard to grasp. I understood that you were speaking of love in a metaphoric way, but sadly, all the fork and knife, cutting and tearing scenes kind of threw me as I do not personally see pain infliction of this kind as truly being loving by action. As erotica, it may have a following in certain circles, but will probably require the aide of an agent to get it published since the click that most likely reads this form of masochism based romantic erotica will probably be a fai...

[ View all reviews ]

Favorites

ITEMS (3)

MEMBERS (1)

by infinitystorm

by nixee

by JayPhoenix

[ View all ]