JAs_jumper_cable's profile

XD God, this was a VERY interesting piece to read! I really like the entire personification of food, it's cute, I think children could find humor in and laugh at it. I found myself grinning. "was shining, the" I'd replace the coma with a semicolon. "“Tater Tot Joe.” said Kitten menacingly." This was kinda random, who's kitten? were you meaning Evets? Because that is whom I thought was talking. "Hashbrownsville." At the bottom you separated 'hash' and 'brownville.' Is it together or separate?

This was a very odd and interesting piece. I really liked your comment about Jesus being a better sight, even after death, than the creature outside. It evokes many vivid, mental images for the reader. I think with a little work, it has plenty of potential. You had a couple fragment sentences that could have been made changed slightly to be complete ones, or all added together to make one complete sentence. "after crucification" spelled 'crucifiction.' "Even the blood that stained the wood, f...

This is a very intense, and well written story. It had incredible mental imagery and sentimental value to myself as it took me back to the ghetto motel where my mother used to live and the kids we used to hang out with. I was absolutely disgusted by the events and this older boy's behavior but it was so intense that I could not bring myself to look away until I knew if she was alright or not. I connected with Tisha, and felt hideously sorry for her, wanting to hold her. You've done a great jo...