Hypernormal's profile

This pleased me to read. It was an unorthodox start which is always a good thing when it works, and your attempt did. Halfway through I was really hoping that you wouldn't spoil it by giving away how she came to be at Bragga's house, and I was glad that you didn't. It's good to leave the right things to the imagination. I would've thought that with such an affinity for snakedom, Bragga would continue wearing his snakeskin shoes regardless of fashion. At least that's the impression I get of h...

Hi there. I think you've done very well in capturing the fragility of everyday life for some people. (Humming a show tune, she turned on her scanner...) - I like this line a lot for it's simplicity and realness. Sometimes we writers can forget that people do things like this. We forget that not everything is about advancement of plot, that people do things just because, for that brief moment, it makes them feel all right. (the paper thundered through the air.) - not sure about paper 'thunder...

(Nidal reached over and switched off the tape, but the oldie from David Bowie, “Man Who Sold the World” was the last thing Karim wanted to hear right now.) - I'm presuming that the music is now coming from the radio? Which automatically came on when the tape was switched off? (the ruby ring that identified him like a red flag as one of Ismaili’s boys) - Aaah. Okay. I was wondering about this in Ch 6. Did you tell us this before? (knowing as all Beirutis did that any jackass with aspirations.....

This is great work, especially for an under eighteen. I've read tons of stuff by people twice and three times your age that's not this good. That's not to say there's nothing I'd prefer to change, just that I think that if you want it, you could make a career out of this. I wasn't expecting the favour, and the climb up the hill was perfectly executed. I very much liked the whole lack of names thing too...who needs them? Here are my suggestions...(which are mostly window dressing): You have a ...