Huntress080's profile
AGE:
27
LOC: KC, MO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 01
LOC: KC, MO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 01
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Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
My name is Lillian Baker I died eightteen years ago and went to hell. I had a husband and two children before I died, I had a good life or at least I thought I did. I suppose that maybe I would have had a chance at heaven if it hadn't been for Jerry Roads. Jerry was the little league coach for my son's little league team. He seemed like a good honest person, he didn't look the part of a pervert. I think that I always expected them to look differnt from regular people and I was wrong and it c...
Version 1
7 Reviews
0 Comments
Cleo and Marsh arrived at the hospital all bloody and torn. Cleo parked the stolen car in the hospital parking lot. She was staring at her injuries and Marsh's. As bad as her injuries were she knew that they would eventually heal and that she didn't need to see a doctor. Marsh on the other hand wasn't as lucky as her, he didn't have any ability to heal himself. Out the vast things that she could do Cleo did not have the power to heal others. "Do you think that you make it on your own in thei...
Version 1
5 Reviews
1 Comment
Cleo and Marsh arrived at an abandoned warehouse with the armed goons that the Danvers had hired. Cleo turned to Marsh, "are we in a neighborhood where people will care if they hear screaming?" The goons found the question amusing and one of them said, "no were not, if any of these people heard any screaming at all it would be just another normal noght in the ghetto." I am going to enjoy killing you Cleo thought but she had to pick her moments carefully. The Danvers couldn't have picked a be...
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Cleo and Marsh arrived at the Danvers building with the costumes that he had bought in hopes of fooling their security. When they arrived at the building Cleo had a flicker of conscience. "Look man, you don't need to do this. Its my battle, I can do this by myself. There is no need for both of us getting killed on what's probably a suicide mission." For a single second Marsh thought about it, "no, this is both of our battle." Both of them took a deep breathe and then walked into the building...
Version 1
6 Reviews
5 Comments
Cleo stayed in her hotel room, thinking about what Marsh had said. After awhile she came to the conclusion that she needed to confront the Danvers if she was ever going to get the answers she needed. She had read in the local paper that the Danvers were looking to hire cleaning personnel for one of their local businesses. Cleo decided to go down their and apply in person for the job. Once she got down their she just ended up staring at the building for the longest time trying to psych hersel...
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Reviews
The whole flow of things definatly felt like a childrens nursury rhyme to me. There are rhymes like humpty dumpty and then there are children stories like Charlete's Web. Even in the most b-9 childrens story there is a bit more action going on than you have in this. You could have the child trying to schme to get the elephant, the concequences of having an elephant. I feel as though you could do more with this than what you are doing.
I think that you need to find away of expanding upon this piece, with what you have so far it is not enough for even a short story. The story seems to be about soldiers and I think that you can do more.
I think that this piece of work is both sad and romantic. In away it reminds me of the old Wuthering Heights movie with Lawrace Olive, in away that it is both touching and deeply moving
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