I like this. It reminds me of the kind of thing I write in my journals! It could almost be a prose poem the way it is lineated. It creates a slightly melancholic mood, conjures up the image of a quiet evening, and you, rattling around in the house. Nice feeling of movement too, with the present particple "drifting" beginning the sentence at the end of the second line. It has sound, visual imagery, and the pace is varied with your sentence lengths. Lovely.

I really enjoyed this. There's lots going on here... and some good characters. There's lots of good imagery here too, but I'd like to see some of the other sense being used too - like sounds, smells, touch and so on, to bring the places more to life. I think if you are writing a book about hitch-hiking, people will be interested in the places, the sounds and textures, as well as the characters. I think in terms of editing, you should look at getting rid of the past perfect tense (using 'had' ...

Firstly, I like this. I like the way you are very subtle about what is wrong with the son - I took it that he has some sort of post-war trauma? - only the reference to 'Civvie Street' gives it away (and the father driving army trucks). I also like the open ending, and the fact that the narrator does not pass any judgement on anyone's actions so that the reader can arrive at their own conclusions. I'm a bit confused by the very last line - is it the son who has cut himself? Perhaps you could c...

Hmm,and interesting 'blog' here. I'm left with the burning question though of what did you do on that night when you couldn't sleep? You never say! I like the literary style of the writing though, the descriptions of the circus folks made me think of that old black and white film 'Freaks', or more recently Cirque de Soleil. A couple of typos: 'urn' should be 'yearn', 'eer' should be 'err', and 'the' should be 'they'. Not sure I get the 'proper costume' reference - do you mean like official un...

I like this. I'd re-lineate some lines: For example, instead of: a suffocating womb where dreams begin and vanish try where dreams begin and vanish I think this leaves the emphasis on 'the womb'. Not sure about the word 'horizontal' in its current position - I want to read 'horizontally'. Again, moving it to the beginning of a new line - even a line to itself, would perhaps give a stronger emphasis. The grammar is fine (punctuation is not grammar) besides, that's poetic licence, and I like th...

Confused, but possibly because I'm in the UK and not the most fashion orientated! Are Khakis a style of pant, and are all the pants in fashion in the States tan coloured at the moment?! And why is it 'pant' and not 'pants' - is this a US thing? That said - I like it. It has something to say about the fact that you can only buy whatever's 'in' at the time - this drives me nuts too - and the paradox of everyone thinking they are so individual when of course, they aren't! Love the imagery of the...

Interesting piece - I think you're going more for the 'feature' side of journalism, and as such it needs to be much longer and have additional factual information. As an intro - very good. I'd add stuff about dependancy, co-dependancy etc. Language is good - some lovely phrases in there. Improvements: echos = echoes "shatters your world etc" is a cliche and best avoided - clearly you can come up with more original wording!

Nice lyrics - reminds me of a Spanish song in which the lyrics go on about all her faults - and it really works. I wonder what sort of genre the song will be - I think rock would work well. Too slow and it might come across as too needy? Also you have a chorus - maybe you could add a refrain or bridge too? Just my thoughts - hope they help. it’s = its

There is a strong sense of character here. I like the little details that give the reader a real picture of who the character is, such as; "I’ll use the dish liquid at the kitchen sink." I think you are aiming to create a stream of thought going through the character's mind, so in places, you could tweak a little to make things a little more realistic. For example, the line, "Phew! Where did he come from? I should be paying closer attention." Would he really say "Phew"? I hear him saying some...

I like this because it reminds me of Taoism and Buddhism - and it is very true.