Hektor_Thillet's profile 
AGE:
32
LOC: Fort Lauderdale, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20
LOC: Fort Lauderdale, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20
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Version 1
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Once upon a time there was a happy kingdom. And in this kingdom there was a happy castle. And in this castle lived the happiest of kings. He laughed on sunny days, and even rainy days. He laughed so loudly, all around him would laugh as well—all but the poor court jester in the king’s castle, who was the object of such contagious laughter. Like any other court jester, his job was to make the king laugh. And this he indeed did with praise. Everyone thought him ...
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Version 1
3 Reviews
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There is a shack by the sea Say, come with me I’ll show you greatness In your eyes you’ll see Kick back and relax No worry time don’t fly The bird in the sky The white sands They made for you Don’t be scared But beware A turtle’s back is for loosing Is the Lost Swak Sweet ol’ Lost Swak Lonely Lost Swak Sin and pray Wet a cheek A lost paradise Kills you soft and sweet Sun hot Palm breeze Your dreaming Be witness Your death on the beach The...
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Version 2
3 Reviews
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Two little piggy banks sat high up on top of a dresser. The first named Bacon, plumpish and with no clothes at all, was kind but perhaps half-baked. He spent every hour of the day looking out the window closest to the dresser, dreaming of the day he would fly right through it and high up into the sky. Far beyond the room where he had been placed by Peter, the child whose room this was, he could see the garden where his best friend Dorothy, the yellow canary bird, flew abou...
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Version 1
7 Reviews
4 Comments
Two little piggy banks sat high up on top of a dresser. The first named Bacon, plumpish and with no clothes at all, was kind but perhaps half-baked. He spent every hour of the day looking out the window closest to the dresser, dreaming of the day he would fly right through it and high up into the sky. Far beyond the room where he had been placed by Pedrito, the child who’s room this was, he could see the garden where his best friend Reinita the sugar bird flew about. “Oh how grace...
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Version 1
3 Reviews
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Sentados a lo alto de un gabetero conversaban dos alcancías de cochinito. El primero, llamado Tocino, rechoncho y sin nada de ropa, era bondadoso aunque algo iluso. Soñaba siempre con salir volando por la ventana un buen día. Pues a fin quería reunirse con su amiga la Reinita quien volaba en el jardín mas allá del cuarto donde Pedrito, el niño al que le pertenecían las alcancías, lo había colocado. Luego ...
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I enjoyed these chapters very much. Your attention to detail, in virtue and form, is quite rich, and a delight to read through. The way you describe movement/mannerisms/nuances is much to my taste. Your characters are also still the driving force here from the previous chapters; you have created (or based on) endearing characters here [at least for me]. Mary/Tom/and Jeb are like out of a Hollywood's golden age period piece-the good ones. As classic a romance like the one blooming between char...
Love your settings, moods, and descriptions. You set this story in 1800 Italy, I've never been, yet your setting feels like the real thing to me. I like your conflict in the story; is an old one. I also like that it doesn't try to be clever nor moral. Feels more like a classic scenario immortalized. Could be a bit tighter and offer a bit more material for the imagination to run free with this... Other than that, is like looking at a pleasant baroque painting.
You know what I love most about this story? That I had never thought of it... I live by the beach and go snorkeling every now and then. I've seen the coral reefs and the things you so hauntingly describe in your gorgeous closing lines... I can't wait to look at them again. Really ... bravo.
Great concept... have thought of this myself. You got a couple o lines here that truly hit the nail on the head. Then there are others that either miss, or are a bit off the great subject you aim to capture here. I think a bit of tightening of the idea, as well as stronger focus could make this a really strong poem. For example, I like the way you title the piece "Broken, then outline how using "When" as a constant. Personally I would keep this throughout the poem. Revise your syntax/grammar....
Honestly? A bit crass maybe... but honest, which I always respect. consider revising "wasn't [any]in place of [none] of them"
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