I like these lyrics.. the whole time i was reading it i was thinking it would be a great song that Lifehouse, nickelback, or simple plan could sing... I love their music and i think ur lyrics may go with the type of songs that those bands thing... and finish it i wanna read the rest...

Omg i love it lol...it made me laugh in the end lol.... I know wut ur talking about in that poem i can soo relate.. One minute ur tasting the flavor and ur all into it and the next thing u know it gone and u want more..lol yea its chocalote thats wut it does to u.. i like it =))

Its seems to be a publishable story.. i would love for it to come out someday.. Good luck with your work and hope to read more of this story... I think if you put it out there, there would be a publisher who would like to see more of your work.. GOOD LUCK!

I like how u put that.... The writing is awesome although u have some spelling errors and little stuff like that. I encourage u to write more stuff like that and maybe you will have a book of your own writing.. =))

I love this.. i agree with it fully... I love the setting and i am touched..

I like the story and the setting and all.... but wut i dont like is the wording-- On how u described everything and all...and also i dont like Nancy and she deserves wut she got! But you could really make a bigger book out of this story...it could become a best seller if you reword alot and make it longer and maybe turn it into a novel....i hope this was a good feedback =)

I like how u went on and wrote down all ur feeling and emotions.. that is good in this category.. I am touched by how u handled ur situation and how u just opened up and how u ended it.... Your free! =)

I like wut u are trying to say but i would scratch that last line... it would seem simpler-- "best part of your self and well being" is how i would end it... it kinda would make me prouder (if i were gay)

I understand wut u said but i think 4 a quote it is too long... It would go great in the poetry section if u editted it a little and made it in poetry form, but if u want it as a qoute put it all together into a sentance or 2 or maybe 3...good luck

In that 1st sentance it should be "His name was Jeramy ,i met him at my aunts birthday party" this makes the party possessive.. "He was tall and had dark hair but his hair was nothing compared to his eyes ,the eyes as if i was looking into heaven." should b 'He was tall and dark haired. However, nothing compared to his eyes. When i look into his eyes, it is as if i was looking into heaven'. "I was amazed at how mature he looked as if he was actualy ten times his age, he was a year older than ...