GoldmanE's profile

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AGE: 18
LOC: Dallas, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 22

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Poetry / Evicted
Version 1
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Swirling, twirling, whirling— CRASH! Soul lost in the cascading waterfall of silk that drowns me. Hands, face, it, him covered in blackened tears, smothered. I’m smothered. Suffocated by lies and by voices. The needy, nagging, narcissistic voices that blur into needy, nagging, narcissistic noise! Go. It’s over. We’re over. Serenity finds my perpetually lost soul quivering, shivering, and shaking in the puddle of silk that lay in the corner lonely. I’m lonely. I need the needy, nagging, narcis...
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Version 1
6 Reviews   0 Comments
went to find myself; got lost.
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Version 1
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Fleeing towards the transcendent Dream, A frantic search for rhapsody. The loose thread in the tailored seam Is hidden ‘til the sun can’t see. Lusting for the euphoric flame Ablaze with abiding rapture. A gust of wind, eternal shame; The ultimate comfort captured. Rocket launches into the deep; Silence sings and swishes and sighs. Control banished to bitter sleep, Caressed by softly spoken lies. Shadows whisper hypnotic hymns, Lulling restraint without accord. Welcome the Nightmare, despair l...
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You paint some exquisitely beautiful images in the first three stanzas but as the poem goes on, you begin to spoon feed far too much. Don't sell your readers short. The poem would be stronger if you continued the symbolism with which you began.
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