Goddess2006's profile

Goddess2006 avatar
AGE: 35
LOC: Elmira, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 17
Item Stats
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Items
Flash Fiction / His victim
Version 2
24 Reviews   7 Comments
I studied the hacked carcass, and I was stunned by how butchered it was. I was looking at something almost unrecognizable. I knew the story: it was a tragic one, but it was also cliché. Boy loved girl, girl didn’t love boy back, boy was desperate; what I was investigating was the result of desperation. This wasn't the work of a professional; there were many mistakes; the mistakes so copious, they even clouded my comprehension of the story. I knew the perpetrator. He disgracefully signed his ...
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Flash Fiction / His victim
Version 1
3 Reviews   3 Comments
I studied the hacked carcass, and I was stunned by how butchered it was. I was looking at something almost unrecognizable. I knew the story: it was a tragic one, but it was also cliché. Boy loved girl, girl didn’t love boy back, boy was desperate, and what I was investigating was the result of desperation. I wasn’t looking at the work of a professional, as there were many mistakes, and the mistakes so copious, they even clouded my comprehension of the real story. I knew the perpetrator of th...
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Poetry / so far untitled
Version 1
1 Review   1 Comment
If anyone said a kiss couldn’t stop the world They never knew you Never knew how my heaven and earth melted In the inky blackness of your eyes I thought love meant keeping my back to the wall Not the amazing soul I saw in your smile Your words caress me; your eyes assess me Your heart knows me; your body owns me Your mind tastes me; your lips take me If fire in my blood shown through my skin I could touch the heavens and star blaze for you My eyes could glow sunbeam, my lips explode Lasers an...
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Poetry / he addiction
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
You were the pounding in my bed, the bleeding in my head, The nights alone and on my own The fucking scratch in my screams, terror in my dreams The dry in my eyes, thorn in my side Step to starry sky; a glorious climb The foot on my throat it hurt to let go If love was a pill, I overdosed suicidal Bloody bond of tendon and meat, pulsing Addicted, attracted, attached, insane fucking love Fist around my throat, kiss on my nose Owning controlling, killing breathing, pulsing Loving caring, chokin...
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Poetry / Kiss
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Weak legs turn me sideways, boy, Leaning, falling, two breaths from breathing Tornadoes spin in my desire Life can't kill me, but you can stun me Paralyzed, hypnotized, blood can't move fast enough to feed my disease I can't trust me; life won't love me Hate's a safe mood, but I tire of knives Mind can't move me, heart can't soothe me I'm a restless child of my design I know better; I've said never, Love can leave me; none decieve me Clever beasts of will untamed Heart stays unbroken, words s...
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Reviews
I'm not really clear on your message, and I think that some that read this and don't understand may be offended. Your tone works well with me, I just wish the message was a lot clearer.
I had some flow issues reading this. There are a couple unnecessary "and's" that do your flow no justice. I trust you can figure them out. I'm not really sure where your character is when he starts his comparison; I think that needs to be clearer. On the plus side, I like your comparison. I read the Odyssey, and loved the references.
Poetry / Untitled
As far as breaking this up, I would break in the middle of each line where you already rhyme and pause. I have no title, as most of the time, I have meaning issues. I don't know who your intended audience is, but without explanation, they may have similar issues. It feels like it needs more.
Grammar is an issue. Won't waste credits on it. I love your energy, but you describe love as everyone else already has, and I crave something different; something out of the ordinary. I would experiment with it more. Good luck.
Poetry / Reunión
A stunning work! It seems you crawled inside the head of this man and you made a very plausible scene. I felt like I was at the table across from you, it was so real. Kudos!