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Gaventar's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: Fort Collins, CO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 06
LOC: Fort Collins, CO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 06
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Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
2 Comments
Together they made there way out the valley of Ultorish carefully. The treacherous mountain path had claimed many a soul as both Talython and Gaventar new the red rock terrain was related to the fact of the amounts of elves and other creatures that had died on the path. The stallion was skittish because the stench of blood raged over the land. Elves were uncomfortable because the elves are connected to the cellular level with all living things. Gaventar hated to take this path to Kyltorith be...
Version 1
11 Reviews
0 Comments
Gaventar slowly made his way down the hill toward the city of Ultorish, being wary of trolls that could be wandering these areas. He was amazed as he followed beside the path, he saw what could only be explained as troll demolition but it was orderly and could only be related to large groups of trolls in one area. He could have sworn that trolls were lone creatures not liking to be in large groups. The trees were uprooted along the path making room for more trolls to “march” there way into to...
Version 1
8 Reviews
0 Comments
“Snap!” a twig popped as Gaventar stepped on it. The troll turned abruptly the sound pulled him away from his prey. The deer that Gaventar had been hunting now was lying at the feet of the troll its two front limbs were torn from the body and were now lying on the ground not to far away from where Gaventar went into hiding. Gaventar had never seen a troll up close before and the sheer size of it overwhelmed him. With blood dripping from its jaw the troll roared out a warning for anything or b...
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Reviews
i could definitely see a lot of passion in this and a lot of longing but i dont know if you really made this your own the passion felt...written not bled, or desired as much as i think you can while you used good descriptions you missed key things like (a romantic one) the description of the romantic idea would have brought or keyed more into the actual story more.
good intro i got a real good base on the charachters in this story i could easily liken to the charachters because everything was simple and relational to the average person. as for suggestions or encouragements use a lot more pronouns cause names get redundant rapidly. otherwise i like the premise and i would like to hear more of how it all works out and the story line and see how tommy and mike work through
you had me entranced into the first person point of view as you described the relationship of love and fear intrinsically intertwined i would love to see more from this the descriptive words used while were excellent for building the image i think they could be a bit more imaginative namely "those huge blue eye’s, watching tears tumble and roll down" i could easily see something more to the effect of "the piercing blue pools of your eyes as the tear up and trail down your cheek" or something ...
i dont know i mean i like the fact the way you ran this through at the first person. however this would be an awesome beginning or even an ending to a longer story. i did get a good grasp as to the characters. but the ending was so i dont know it just seemed simple. compared to the feel of the rest. i also wasnt sure as to the point of Kezz being the name of choice or the significance.
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